Monday, June 18, 2018



Just when I think I've already seen the shittiest shit that revit can shit out - someone sends me something that is almost spectacular in its resemblance to a dumpster fire.

It's a six story storage facility - so 99% of it is just corridors, and apparently the only direction the architect gave to his Reviteers was 'make this look as amateurish as humanly possible'.  Since modeling over 1,000 storage units wasn't really feasible, they apparently modeled one of each and then attempted to copy/paste them throughout the building, resulting in... well... garbage.

I set about cleaning it up (and once I start, I can't just leave it 'so-so' - it's going to be as close to perfect as humanly possible when I'm done), then opened the electrical drawings.  The pathetic bullshit I was looking at damn near made the architectural drawings look like a work of art.  They were apparently going for a 'minimalist' approach to drawing it - but instead it ended up 'incomprehensible'.

I actually almost felt bad for both the revitard that layed it out, and the engineer who thought it was worthy of putting his signature on.  My only hope is that they were the low bid, and decided to half-ass it (and/or they were forced to use revit, and said 'fuck it'), because if this is what they considered 'good work', then they need to be taken out behind the woodshed and beaten relentlessly.

On the other hand, if I were an electrical contractor attempting to install based on these drawings, beatings wouldn't suffice - at least one limb would have to be severed from each person responsible.

Then, today, I actually received a set of drawings that someone from my old firm Revited up - and holy goddamned fuck does this shit look retarded.  For some reason they left hatching on to show the floor throughout their plans (as if someone might make the mistake that empty space might be misinterpreted as the building had an infinitely deep hole inside the building envelope).

They managed to set it light enough to keep their drawings from being totally illegible in the .pdf set, but it comes in as the same color as the walls/etc. when they exported it out to CAD (which they did - one sheet at a time, each in it's own .zip file for some weird reason).  It also suffers from the classic problem of not having one set of titleblock information throughout the set - so the cover sheet for the entire set of drawings has the title in all-caps, while the electrical sheets are in lower-case, and many of them have overlapping letters (and even inexplicable misspellings/additional letters).

Their attempt at laying out fire alarm equipment is truly amateurish - it literally hurts to look at it.  Many of the symbols got fucked up when they exported it too - meaning I will have to spend extra time deciphering what the fuck they were intending to show.  The only up side is that I get to laugh at what a shit show that place turned into both while I was still there, and after I left.

They've got the Revit dick so embedded in their eye sockets that it's just whipping them around the room and ejaculating onto their shriveled brain stems (as their brains themselves withered away a long time ago) and they pray for death to free them.

Death will not be the end though - anyone willingly accepting that Revit dick is going to spend an eternity in a lake of poorly developed Revit families, while suffering the pain of millions of view range settings consuming their flesh.

As always - fuck Revit, fuck Autodesk, fuck amateurish attempts at Reviting and/or engineering, and if you don't like it - FUCK YOU.

Au revoir,

Le Ccrâne Merde

Next Time: ?!?!?


Friday, April 13, 2018

Slice Of Life

How do?

My last post got off track because of the apartment/condo project that the AHJ decided to break his dick off in our client (after the city had already approved the engineer's plans) to the tune of roughly $20K worth of extra equipment/wiring/labor.

Now we get to sit back and wait to see if someone wants to go up against the AHJ (not really suggestable) or bend over and take it (thereby emboldening the AHJ to randomly jam his phallus into random orifices in the future).

What I was really working on that triggered my anti-Revit senses was (the latest in a series of) plans that I was lovingly beating all of the gay Revit bullshit out of. In this case it's a headquarters for a city fire department.

I started with the sad looking mess that was someone's idea of an architectural plan (I'm sure we requested the engineering drawings, but I had a hard copy of those that someone had highlighted all of the relevant information on when they were bidding - and I would've already been replacing whatever garbage they were using for symbols with my own anyway).

I blew out all of the stuff that I  don't care about, and what was left could technically have been used as my background - but it was just too sad looking (and would've continued to distract me) so I took the time to scrub the living shit out of it - a large part of which involved fixing nearly every fucking wall intersection in the building.

If they were just wrong consistently, I could probably overlook it - but each one was wrong in a different way (most due to how they had sliced through the model and set the view range). I found the prettiest looking ones (i. e. - the flukes) and tweaked the rest until I could go through the building without my delicate sensibilities being offended.

Another set I was working on the other day had relatively clean wall intersections, but the whole plan was indecipherable. It was a partial renovation of an existing building and a sizable addition - and when I say it was 'indecipherable' I mean you couldn't tell what. the. fuck. was. going. on.

It literally looked like someone had just started taking random slices through a model that had five different levels that needed to be defined (only three of which related to the addition) roughly connected by a grid of column lines and rotated to true north rather that plan north. The building is literally built into the side of a mountain - and the morons who designed it apparently neglected to take note of the fact that mountains tend to be made of SOLID FUCKING ROCK which is why they are mountains and not just big piles of dirt that wash away.

They had already attempted to start construction on the building nearly a year ago - ran into the aforementioned rock and had only recently managed to get it to the point where HOLY SHIT - WE FORGOT TO TELL THE PEOPLE DESIGNING THE LOW VOLTAGE SYSTEMS THAT WE FINALLY (SORT OF) FIGURED OUT WHAT THE FUCK WE ARE DOING!!!

Now it's a panic - and, like most panics, people neglect to remember that there are dozens of questions that really need answers (many of which were asked back then, and promptly ignored). To add to the fun, the owner was making the classic mistake of vastly overestimating the ability of their existing equipment to handle an addition - made even more hilarious when their 30+ year old control panel went tits up and had to be replaced.

It was right about then that someone noticed that entire sections of the, system were a little thing called 'not functioning'.  Some attempts were made to stop it up, pass it on, shove it to shelf it, to leave it off, and turn over (to quote Fugazi), and rather than just install a 100% new system, they opted for a no-warranty half-assed amalgamation of new and old wiring, devices, and most hilariously of all - two fundamentally different types of systems in the new vs. old buildings.

Back to the plans, though.  The building(s) are strewn all over the place and are at all kinds of crazy angles with different floors having radically different footprints. Once I got all of the plans oriented
correctly and cleaned up, I started to see where some of the issues were coming from.  Due to the varying floor levels and cut planes, some areas were being shown twice (resulting in duplicate information on separate plans).

Now, even as someone who despises Revit, I know that it's capable of adjusting the view range within a view (basically overriding the overall view range, so that you can tweak the plan to show exactly what you need to see - even if it is above/below the plane you cut and/or your view range.  Obviously the person that slapped these plans together did not.

I got the plans finished and issued - and then they came back and changed the scope of the project (still working under the impression that their ancient wiring was going to do the trick - and guaranteeing that we wouldn't warranty the system).  Now I'm still waiting on a change order because there are devices missing from the design (which I brought to the salesman's attention - but someone else had already noticed (certainly not the idiot designing it).

Anyway - today I came in and found that someone had responded to our request for CAD files on another project by providing us with a Revit model of the electrical plans.  This isn't actually an issue because we have access to several people with Revit on their machines, and they are generally very happy to stop Reviting for a few minutes to export some files for us (I could install a student version - but I don't want Revit anywhere the fuck near my computer).

 We get the exported files back from our friend, and what do you know?  The moron that sent the Revit file neglected to send the fucking architectural Revit model that their engineering model was linked to - so all we get is a bunch of crap floating in space (akin to sending a CAD file without any of the xrefs).  We pointed out their stupidity and requested CAD files again - but it won't surprise me if we get a Revit model again (with or without the Architectural model).

In the meantime, these Revit idiots can lick my balls, Autodesk can lick my balls, and if you don't like it - it's time to tonguebathe my balls bitch.


Next Time: Garbage Day

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Scrub, Scrub, Scrub The Revit

Ni Hao!!!

Apparently this Revit thing isn't going away - as another cavalcade of terrible drawings crosses my threshold.  I would almost be impressed with the lack of fucks given when generating these drawings if it weren't for the fact that my OCD (read: minimal standards) refuses to allow me to issue shitty looking garbage.

That's a big part of what seems to be missing from the Revit equation.  So much time is spent attempting to convince it to work properly, that there is no time for quality control.  Combine that with the fact that many (if not most) Revitards barely have a passing understanding of their discipline, and you get some serious nonsense.

There's little doubt that after wasting several hours (and/or days) banging their heads into it, if Revit finally spits out something that remotely resembles what is needed to permit and build the building, then it's 'good the fuck enough' (which I assure you - it is not), and they aren't going to make the mistake of looking too closely at it.

I just had an AHJ comment on a project that we issued a little while ago (that someone else in our office did) that was caused in part by mistakes on the Architectural and Engineering drawings (some of which I would've probably caught if it had been my project).  I always rail about the incompetence displayed on any project that has 'typical' units - and especially regarding accessible units.

The Architect had apparently developed separate plans for the 'typical' units, as several of them did not match what was actually shown on the overall drawings.  Additionally, the accessible units inexplicably had both accessible and non-accessible bathrooms.  The Engineer was apparently unaware that even though one of the bathrooms wasn't 'handicap accessible', devices were still necessary in case a hearing/vision impaired individual was staying in the second bedroom.

Of course, the AHJ also came back and required devices on every single one of the 90+ decks in the entire building - which I had never actually seen before, but which we are obviously going to be getting a change order for.  Unfortunately this additional load is going to require fairly involved revisions to the drawings (simplified by the fact that I'm not trying to do it in Revit, because it's not as simple as 'recalculating' - it would be a complete redo from the ground up).

This literally came about while I was in the middle of writing this post today - which should give you an idea of the nature of my work.  I literally never know when something like this is going to come flying through - and I need to know that once I figure out a plan of action, I can fix my drawings and get them back out again - often the same day (regardless of how much of a clusterfuck someone has attempted to turn them into).

Additionally, I'm pulled off of whatever project I'm currently working on in order to fix somebody else's fuckups - and when I get back to my current project, I don't have to worry about whether or not I can jump right back in and knock it out with a quickness.  Hell, the guy who did that project had me showing him what to do - while also handling my own workload.

F**k Revit, Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Revitards, and Fuck The Dumb Shit.



Next Time: ???

Tuesday, January 30, 2018