Monday, June 26, 2017

Still Not Convinced To Choke On The Revit Dick?

Que Onda Skullfuckarinos?

I was just flipping through some of the nonsensical garbage on the AUGI site when I ran across this extensive buzzword laden screed from human dildo 'Jay Zallan' that literally sounds exactly like the 'drink the kool-aid' bullshit that was being hurled at the architecture/engineering community over five years ago when I first started the Revit MeP Skullfuck:

The saddest part is the fact that it was written (or at least posted) in August 2016 and seems to be yet another in a long line of attempts to convince people that the way they've (successfully) been doing things is WRONG and that BIMming the Revit way is the only way - I mean, how stupid or set in your ways do you have to be to not understand this?

He goes through the same fucking litany as his predecessors (although I seriously doubt this is his first time chastising everyone who isn't him).  BIM is the future (but isn't software - or a process), Revit is the best, ACAD sucks, people who want to keep using ACAD are 'addicted', comparing CAD holdouts to those who were resistant to switching from hand drafting to computers, opining the fact that if everyone would just be on 'the team' (yay team!) then OMG ya'll - everything would just be rainbows and sparkle ponies!!!

If he weren't on the same condescending power trip as every other Revitard out there, some of his suggestions about how to go about transitioning a firm to BIM/Revit would be adorable.  He's careful to distinguish it as a 'revolution' (ironically - from the Latin 'revolutio' meaning 'to turn around', which certainly describes Revit) as opposed to an 'evolution' (which could indicate growth/progress). Some of his suggestions are actually quite good (if not a tad unrealistic) but are all subverted by an undying devotion to what he views as 'The Way'.

It's also telling in how quickly he dismisses his 'holdout' strawman's concerns about whether or not things can be done in 'BIM authoring software' (by which he exclusively means Revit), the appearance of tags/notes/etc. (because how dare you question how Revit WILL make your drawings look?) and then starts doing the Revit self-suck by insulting the intelligence, experience, and dedication to productivity of those who see through the smokescreen.

I think I've made this analogy before - but I could see this guy strutting into an automobile repair shop with a handful of adjustable wrenches and telling the mechanics that they no longer need a box full of different sized wrenches and sockets.  He would talk endlessly about how 'adjustable wrenches are the future of mechanic work', dismiss any concerns about the (obvious) problems, insult anyone who refused to comply, and disregard demonstrable limitations to the tool he has so graciously bestowed upon the lowly peons (who are responsible for productivity/profitability).

After taking away the rest of their tools, he would occasionally catch one trying to put an extension/socket that they snuck in on a bolt that the wrench cannot reach, and then turn it with the adjustable wrench - at which point he would say 'huh... they shouldn't put bolts where an adjustable wrench can't get on them - see if you can do the job without taking that bolt off'.  Right about then, another mechanic would yell for the third time that morning as the wrench slipped, rounded off the bolt, and resulted in him busting his knuckles (four hours into a job that should've taken ten minutes).

He would then proceed into the manager's office to tell them that in order for the shop to be 'transformed', that it will be necessary to figure out what goals are truly desired (as long as those goals are in line with his 'adjustable wrench only' policy), then to 'create plans intended to accomplish those goals', and finally 'commit to and complete the necessary actions in those plans'.  Oh - and the jobs still need to be completed on time (wrenches down!).

Fuck this guy - and every self-centered fuckfaced idiot out there like him.  Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Revit, Fuck 'BIM', and If You Don't Like It - FUCK YOU.

Next Time:???

Monday, June 12, 2017

Revit 2018 MeP is 'Path-etic'.

Fuck You And The Revit You Rode In On Bitch!!!

It's that time again - 2018 Revit has been out for a couple of weeks, just long enough for dumbfucks to start installing it and fucking over anyone who had a project to complete, but are now are having to deal with god only fucking knows what.

Literally the only 'electrical improvement' that I could find on any of the various dipshit lists that faggots make of this ignorant-ass shit was something reader 'Hysteresis' had already mentioned regarding being able to manually edit the circuit path.

First off - why the fuck couldn't you always manually edit the circuit path?  Although, in reality - who gives a shit?  Nobody is going to fucking install the goddamned conduit the way you show on a design (and how many extra goddamned drawings are you going to have in your set to show every 3d conduit elevation, etc.?!?!)

As always, the 'partially schematical' set of drawings is what will get issued (and trust me - no contractor is going to waste their time with your shitty model), and conduit routing will be part of the Electrical Contractors 'means and methods'.  Getting a rough idea of how long a circuit is going to be can be helpful in calculating voltage drop (and thus wire size) , but I wouldn't trust Revit to calculate a tip.

I issued hundreds and hundreds of projects over the 12+ years I was doing Electrical Design - calculating voltage drop for countless loads, and thanks to having tools that I could trust not to fuck me - I never once had one come back with problems.  Now in my current job, I have tried and true spreadsheets to allow me to easily enter loads and calculate voltage drops as well.

Never once have I been doing a design and thought to myself 'you know what would make this easier?  Having a program of questionable quality that requires me to do more work in order to 'save time and effort - and that might fuck me over at any time'.  We actually had some guy contact someone at my office trying to foist some software that they developed that is specific to the types of systems that I design now, but after looking over what they had to offer, it didn't intrigue me in the least.

The fact is -any effort I expend that could be automated is more than made up for by the fact that simply by being that involved in every aspect of the project, I'm going to catch every mistake, contradiction, or oversight made by the people who did the initial design/pricing.  As I've mentioned on multiple occasions, at my previous firm, there was almost no end to the major fuckups that I would find in other disciplines work - simply because I was ACTUALLY LOOKING AT THE SHIT.

Add to that the irony that these fuckups were all coming from the very same people telling me how great it feels to apply the set of electroshock nipple clamps that is Revit.

I just finished another spectacular design - a 45,000 s.f. rehab facility (the one where they tried to foist a Revit model off on me), and I probably spent as much time cleaning up their wack floor plans as I did doing my schematics and details.  Oh, and in between starting and completing it - I pulled off and completed a 230,000 s.f. parking garage project (that included some fairly extensive rework of an existing fiber-optic network.

It's just... fucking amazing how much shit I can accomplish without Revit.  Even more amazing is the improvement in my overall well-being when there no expectation that I ever start using it.  I've got a few other systems to finish up on a roughly 90,000 s.f. assisted living facility - then I'm going to be diving headfirst into completion of a massive set of drawings that I inherited to do 'as builts' for on a huge power plant renovation.

The set consists of over 200 goddamned drawings (and associated conduit/wire/device schedule spreadsheets - required by the owner).  The reason for the sheer number of drawings is primarily because (while they weren't using Revit at least) the people who originally did it were stupid as fuck. It would've been a formidable undertaking for anyone, but a little common fucking sense at the beginning of the project could've kept things consolidated, and much easier to keep track of.

The main reason I took it over was that the contractor is pretty much stuck at the job site (and a rather large sum of money is tied up) until the project is finalized, and the dipshits responsible for generating hundreds of sheets were taking weeks to slog through what I can do in days.  I've worked with the same contractor on a generator building at a nuclear facility - and they were blown the fuck away by how responsive I am to their needs, and the quality of my work.

And, to reiterate - none of it involved having to fuck around with Revit, because FUCK REVIT.




Next Time: Apologetic Apoplectic.

Monday, June 5, 2017

How Many Notes Would a Keynote Key if a Keynote Could Key Notes?

All the Revit Shit That's Fit To Fucking Print.

So I'm kicking ass and taking names - when I see a comment from reader 'Christopher Lord' pop up.  Apparently he was running into issues with Key Notes (not surprising considering that Revit has had issues with Key Notes not working properly ever since Revit has been a thing).

Some quick googling came up with a 'known issue' (it's always a 'known issue - and Autodesk is totally working on it man...) with Key Notes disappearing when upgrading from 2016 to 2017 (no big deal there right?).  At my previous firm we would usually come in one day to find that some dipshit had saved the Revit file to the newest version, meaning that we got to jump feet (and dick) first into the newest version.

So there you are, job almost ready to kick out, and BANG - keynotes are fucked.  You google it, praying to whatever god you believe in that somebody has found some kind of 'workaround' (maybe involving adjusting one of the 1/4 trillion plus view settings).

Hell yes - there it is!  Someone describing exactly the problem I'm having, complete with a simple workaround! We're saved!!!  Oh wait - it isn't working.  Ok - breathe, back to google.  Another hit!  Oh... it's just someone begging for a solution - and someone else 'helpfully' pointing out that it's a 'known issue'.

One of the funniest I ran across was a guy saying that 'this issue has shaken my love for Revit to the core':

That's what you get for having love for Revit you dickless piece of shit 'DMapes'.  It fucks you directly in the ass.  If I had time to waste, I could probably find where this guy had berated other people who were forced into Reviting and were running into fucked up problem after fucked up problem for not sharing his 'love'.

I've read countless instances of people leaning on Revit - putting all of their trust into it to do right by them, only to have it fail miserably.  The fact is - YOU CANNOT TRUST REVIT.  It's a fucking lie - propagated by people operating off of what is called the 'sunk cost fallacy'.

Basically, if you are a firm, you've spent literal shit-tons of money to buy Revit licenses, upgrade computers, servers, networks, etc. to handle it, had it eat profits as your employees struggle to figure out how to force the goddamned thing to shart out a passable set of drawings (and even more if you wasted money on 'training'.

If you are a user - you've spent god only knows how many hours beating on Revit, fucking with settings, watching stupid videos, reading stupid blogs, hunting the internet for shreds of information on how to make this goddamned thing work as advertised - and watched as projects that should've been cranked out in days take weeks, months, or even years as teams of Revitards all shit on and/or fling shit all over each other.

There's a point you reach where you won't (or can't) admit that it's fucked - because rather than the blame falling squarely on the shoulders of the ones churning out the garbage software, it's been you - pushing yourself (and others) off the cliff, swearing the whole time that 'it gets better'.

Supposedly the 2017.2 version fixed the Key Note problem (again - since this isn't the first time this shit happened - both to Key Notes specifically, and any number of other things in between updates - or when it just decides to take a shit one day).  Now - the problem is, installing that update may very well fuck something else up.

And you won't know until you are already sailing through the air - legs, dong, and balls flapping in the breeze - heading towards the giant Revit wood chipper at the bottom of the cliff.

Fuck That.

Fuck Revit, Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Revitards, Fuck Revit Gurus, and fuck anyone unwilling to admit they got FUCKED by Revit.


Next Time: Path-etic.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Now, Was That So Fucking Hard?

Imagine there's no Revit - it's easy if you try...

Welp... I managed to beat everything I needed out of the Reviteers (again) so I can actually get to work on their project.  I remember a long time ago (at another firm) we came up with a list of what we had to have in order to start a project.  One of the first items on the list was a floor plan that had been approved by the owner (or owner's representative).

Obviously there might still be changes, tweaks, etc. - but it gave you a starting point.  If this was not forthcoming, then any schedule someone might try to set was meaningless - and we would tell them as much (whether or not they were paying attention was another thing).

Now, it's sad that we would have to explain to someone that we can't do our job until you do your job - but that's the way it was.  Then Revit comes stumbling onto the stage like a drunken fratboy into a nightclub - just waving its flaccid whiskey dick all over the place.

All of a sudden there's no standard anymore, and anything some dickless fucktard shits out in it is what you get to work with. We still had some kind of requirement for 'your shitty model must be at least 75% complete before we allow you to wedge it into our rectums' or some such.

The problem is that nobody could define what percentage 'complete' a model was at any given point - this was a boon for the idiots stuffing their dicks into the Revit grinder on a daily basis.  They could get it to spit out a 'floor plan' and maybe even a 'reflected ceiling plan' and claim it was ready to go.

Five minutes later (4 minutes and 45 seconds of waiting for their model to load), it would be painfully obvious that they had pulled some serious voodoo Reviteering to get it to spit those plans out, because attempting to start laying out my equipment would find me spinning in circles.

Every time I would save to central, there would be something FUBAR.  The wall you hosted all of those panels to?  Gone.  The room that they gave you for those panels (that they jokingly asked you how big it needed to be)?  Cut in half - because someone forgot to make room for HVAC units, water heaters, elevator equipment, or a sprinkler riser.

Put in some lights?  Oh - sorry, we deleted and/or changed the type of ceiling.  Put in some switches? Oh - we flipped those doors around and moved them.  Receptacles? Oh - there is a countertop there now, with a microwave on it, and a range with a hood, and a refrigerator, and some vending machines.  Oh - and an eyewash station that needs an instantaneous electric water heater that pulls insane amounts of power (did we mention that there will be 7-8 of those throughout the building?)

Made the mistake of wiring any of that shit up?  Congratulations, you would be better off starting over.  Your panels are now the wrong size, in the wrong locations (and prior to a certain release - couldn't be moved once they had a certain number of circuits in them).

The disconnect switches you put in for those HVAC units (that you had to insert and then fill out based on the mechanical schedules - instead of everything magically working by itself)? They just decided to switch from a chiller with VAV boxes to split systems (oh - and now there are a handful of closets for air handlers that just fucked up 50% of the device locations, lights, etc. that you spent hours meticulously putting in).

Then they decide to do something that REALLY fucks you up (or Revit just decides to take a shit) and something that you desperately need to work NOW, refuses to work.  Then you get to spend an hour in a circle jerk with the Revitards/Revit Gurus.

And what part of that doesn't sound like fun?

On the up side, I was having a conversation with an older guy today, and he mentioned something offhand about ACAD being strictly 2D.  Ironically the guy knew that ACAD had been used for years to design parts to be sent to machine tools - but I was able to give him a quick tour of ACAD's formidable 3D abilities.

Not that I need any of that to do my job now (or my old job for that matter).

Fuck Revit, fuck the dumb shit - and if you are not of the liking it variety, then fuck off you shall.

Next Time: Did You Really Need To See Those Key Notes?

Friday, May 19, 2017


Good God.

Another idiot sent me a link to a download of 'CAD' files - only to find out that the only .dwg was a Civil drawing (in related news - if you are considering going to school for engineering, and don't want to have the Revit dick jammed up into your guts, Civil Engineering might be the way to go).

I actually have access to student versions of all of Autodesk's software, but like fuck I'm going to install p.o.s. Revit on my machine, only to then waste my time downloading a 255mb central file, and another 65.7mb MEP file just so I can export that bullshit out to CAD.

Of course, nobody involved with the project on this end even knows what the fuck 'Revit' is (nor should they), and attempts to contact the morons that uploaded these files haven't resulted in any responses (mainly because it's hard to respond to phone calls and e-mail when you've got Revit jammed up your ass (along with your head).

I actually opened their link again today - and found that someone had exported a floor plan (good on 'em), but still no MEP, and only a .pdf (revised from the previous drawing) showing half of the building. 

For all I know, the half they are showing might represent my entire scope, but because they are dicking around sending half-ass shit, who even fucking knows at this point?  Sure as fuck not the idiots (in one of our remote offices) who sent me the project to work on.

I was about to relent and just use the CAD background and start slapping my devices on it, but between the fact that I don't know if I'm supposed to do both halves of the building (and the fact that they failed to make a .pdf of their legend) now I'm going to double-down on them meeting my demands before I waste a nother second looking at it.

Obviously this kind of fuckery could exist even if Revit didn't, but as I've repeatedly said in the past - Revit seems to breed this type of shitty communication and half-ass project management.  The people who should be thinking, reasoning, and sharing are simply too busy and/or burned out trying to shart out something even remotely passable from Revit to give a shit about anything or anyone else.

I've started writing an e-mail trying to explain the situation to the guy who first sent me the project THREE FUCKING TIMES, and have deleted it each time because (just like every time I run into this issue) I can't seem to figure out a way to convey what should be obvious as fuck to them without basically telling them to suck my goddamn asscrack.

I need the same fucking shit that I ask for on every single goddamned job we ever do - same as always.  Instead I get clueless looks (or tones of voice) like it's the first time I've ever asked for it.  If I don't take the initiative, they will just assume it's being done.

I think the problem is that what I need is (or should be) so goddamned simple, that it feels stupid to get up in arms about it, but if I don't, then goddamn it and fuck...

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK...

This has been another go fuck yourself Revit moment - brought to you by the fucking assholes and faggots that 'develop', sell, propagate, and use Revit.  Even when you aren't using it, it somehow still finds a way to get in the way of your productivity.

Fuck Revit, Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Reviteers, Fuck Revitards, and Fuck Goddamned Incompetent Motherfucking Fuckfaced Fuckheads.

They can all eat a bag of dicks.  And I don't want to find half of them shoved up their asses like last time.  EAT YOUR DICKS.


Next Time: I Rip Off Some Reviteers Head And Shit Down His Fucking Throat.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Model Student

Salutations Fuckheads!

I received a hilarious e-mail this morning containing a link to a Revit model for a project.  I immediately sent it back and told the guy whose job it is that he needed to request a CAD file of the floor plan.

It feels so damn good to be able to tell people who send me Revit shit to fuck off.  For a second I pondered what it would be like if I had to worry about opening their Revit model to work in it, or set up my own model and link theirs in.

Then I laughed and shook my head - why would anybody fucking do that?  It would be the equivalent of coming to work and slamming your dick in a drawer.  Now, I'm sure there are some people out there who get off on shit like that, but it would definitely cut into your ability to be productive.

I'm kind of half hoping that they come back and say that 'the project has to be done in Revit' (it's a government job, so these other poor sad fuckers probably do have to do it in Revit), not realizing that we couldn't give less of a shit if we tried.

I could just see some brain damaged fuck trying to pry open our eyelids in a futile attempt to insert the Revit dick into our eye sockets 'why don't you want the Revit dick fucking your skull?'.  It wouldn't surprise me in the least.

What would be even funnier is if they tried to do an end run around me and try to get someone to come down from above (after somehow justifying throwing away thousands of dollars on a Revit license - and a machine capable of running it) and tell me that 'now we're doing it in Revit' without knowing what the fuck that even means.

In that event, I would be reminded again why I'm so glad I'm only doing this kind of work because I enjoy it, and minus the enjoyment (i.e. plus Revit), I would simply go find something else equally lucrative to do that doesn't involve my dick, a drawer, and slamming.

Get Fucked!


Next Time: WTF?

Edit: they responded by sending me an export from their Revit model consisting of a .zip file containing 148 items - I'm not sure if this was because they are fucking idiots, if they were being sarcastic (or both).  Regardless - fuck them with the force of a million suns.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Phased Out


So I've been working on a large scale project that would already be elaborate enough, but has been made even more of a clusterfuck thanks to it being broken down into phases.  I actually don't know what software the Architect/Engineer are using to develop their plans - although based on how shitty they look, Revit is a pretty good bet.

I started the project (which I've probably talked about before), and did the first phase (which was rather huge) to completion, when I received what was ostensibly the second phase drawings from the electrical engineer (they sent the wrong system drawings the first time).  I was confused to see that what they were referring to as 'phase 2' was actually half of the building that I had originally designed as Phase 1.

I made the mistake of assuming that they knew what they were doing - but it seemed logical, because they had separate systems, and were basically two buildings that made up a ring.  I went ahead and broke them out into Phase 1 and Phase 2 to match, but then a few weeks later I received a panicked phone call from our guy (in one of our out-of-state offices) who had been told by the electrical contractor that the Phase 2 I had issued was part of Phase 1.

Fortunately I had already completed what I thought was Phase 3 (part of the problem is that nobody I talk to has any fucking clue what is supposed to be in each phase - despite there being very clear terminology that could be being used to describe each one, instead of just numbering them), and so I told him to give those drawings to the electrical contractor while I figured out what the hell was going on (because they sure as fuck weren't going to).

My contact with the electrical engineer was no help, so I bypassed him and contacted the architect, who cleared up the confusion (or at least clarified where the confusion had originated).  For some reason the electrical engineer had broken down Phase 1 into two 'packages' (meaning I had done it correctly the first time, and only became confused when they resent their second package for no discernible reason).

I went ahead and put Phase 1 back the way it was, changed Phase 3 to Phase 2, and then got started on the actual Phase 3 - which is now on hold because I'm trying to dig through a pile of comments on a separate project (while others pile up).  I had already made some adjustments, and received a accusatory e-mail (from the same guy who was panicking about the phased project - although it turns out that they had someone leave their office, meaning this guy just had everything fall in his lap) asking why I hadn't addressed the rest of the comments.

It turned out the reason I hadn't addressed the rest of the comments is because, while they received them a week ago, they HADN'T BOTHERED TO FUCKING SEND THEM TO ME.  Most were fairly simple, but the last 2-3 have required me to get drawings from the mechanical engineer (since the electrical engineer for this project hasn't updated their drawings yet), and it was still a motherfucker to discern what the hell they were talking about.

It didn't help that the comments themselves were spread across a set of fire protection drawings (that I received first), an e-mail, another marked up set of drawings attached to that e-mail, AND a list of comments attached to the e-mail (that the comments in the e-mail referred to extensively).  I just slapped it out before moving on to the next set of comments from an AHJ - two of which are just notes to add, but three of which refer to equipment not shown on the engineer's drawing.

The AHJ actually called me the other day to ask about two of the items (one of which is actually on the Mechanical comments but affects me anyway (which is why, unlike most people, I always read every comment and not just the ones directed at me).  I forwarded on questions to someone who (hopefully - but doubtfully) has answers, and then (mostly to spite the motherfuckers working on the large multi-phased project) I decided to dive into a fairly simple project I received information for the other day and CAD files today.

It won't take long to finish, so I'll probably be back to Phase III by the end of the day.  And when I get it done - there's a Phase IV, which is a free-standing building (so basically it's own little project) that I wouldn't have even known to look for if I had continued down the path that the electrical engineer had me on (because I would've assumed I was finished after doing the part I'm currently on).

We're going to be facing a lot of whacked out confusion over the next few weeks/months due to that guy leaving with several projects at varying levels of design, review, installation, commissioning, etc. - the only saving grace is that Revit is nowhere to be seen.  I'm sure a Reviteer would be the first to point out that it has all kinds of tools for managing project phases, filtering etc. - which is great, except that then you would have to use Revit.

And I'd still be on Phase 1.

Fuck stupid people who refuse to communicate - and fuck Revit.


Next Time: Model Student