Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Now, Was That So Fucking Hard?

Imagine there's no Revit - it's easy if you try...

Welp... I managed to beat everything I needed out of the Reviteers (again) so I can actually get to work on their project.  I remember a long time ago (at another firm) we came up with a list of what we had to have in order to start a project.  One of the first items on the list was a floor plan that had been approved by the owner (or owner's representative).

Obviously there might still be changes, tweaks, etc. - but it gave you a starting point.  If this was not forthcoming, then any schedule someone might try to set was meaningless - and we would tell them as much (whether or not they were paying attention was another thing).

Now, it's sad that we would have to explain to someone that we can't do our job until you do your job - but that's the way it was.  Then Revit comes stumbling onto the stage like a drunken fratboy into a nightclub - just waving its flaccid whiskey dick all over the place.

All of a sudden there's no standard anymore, and anything some dickless fucktard shits out in it is what you get to work with. We still had some kind of requirement for 'your shitty model must be at least 75% complete before we allow you to wedge it into our rectums' or some such.

The problem is that nobody could define what percentage 'complete' a model was at any given point - this was a boon for the idiots stuffing their dicks into the Revit grinder on a daily basis.  They could get it to spit out a 'floor plan' and maybe even a 'reflected ceiling plan' and claim it was ready to go.

Five minutes later (4 minutes and 45 seconds of waiting for their model to load), it would be painfully obvious that they had pulled some serious voodoo Reviteering to get it to spit those plans out, because attempting to start laying out my equipment would find me spinning in circles.

Every time I would save to central, there would be something FUBAR.  The wall you hosted all of those panels to?  Gone.  The room that they gave you for those panels (that they jokingly asked you how big it needed to be)?  Cut in half - because someone forgot to make room for HVAC units, water heaters, elevator equipment, or a sprinkler riser.

Put in some lights?  Oh - sorry, we deleted and/or changed the type of ceiling.  Put in some switches? Oh - we flipped those doors around and moved them.  Receptacles? Oh - there is a countertop there now, with a microwave on it, and a range with a hood, and a refrigerator, and some vending machines.  Oh - and an eyewash station that needs an instantaneous electric water heater that pulls insane amounts of power (did we mention that there will be 7-8 of those throughout the building?)

Made the mistake of wiring any of that shit up?  Congratulations, you would be better off starting over.  Your panels are now the wrong size, in the wrong locations (and prior to a certain release - couldn't be moved once they had a certain number of circuits in them).

The disconnect switches you put in for those HVAC units (that you had to insert and then fill out based on the mechanical schedules - instead of everything magically working by itself)? They just decided to switch from a chiller with VAV boxes to split systems (oh - and now there are a handful of closets for air handlers that just fucked up 50% of the device locations, lights, etc. that you spent hours meticulously putting in).

Then they decide to do something that REALLY fucks you up (or Revit just decides to take a shit) and something that you desperately need to work NOW, refuses to work.  Then you get to spend an hour in a circle jerk with the Revitards/Revit Gurus.

And what part of that doesn't sound like fun?

On the up side, I was having a conversation with an older guy today, and he mentioned something offhand about ACAD being strictly 2D.  Ironically the guy knew that ACAD had been used for years to design parts to be sent to machine tools - but I was able to give him a quick tour of ACAD's formidable 3D abilities.

Not that I need any of that to do my job now (or my old job for that matter).

Fuck Revit, fuck the dumb shit - and if you are not of the liking it variety, then fuck off you shall.

Next Time: Did You Really Need To See Those Key Notes?

Friday, May 19, 2017


Good God.

Another idiot sent me a link to a download of 'CAD' files - only to find out that the only .dwg was a Civil drawing (in related news - if you are considering going to school for engineering, and don't want to have the Revit dick jammed up into your guts, Civil Engineering might be the way to go).

I actually have access to student versions of all of Autodesk's software, but like fuck I'm going to install p.o.s. Revit on my machine, only to then waste my time downloading a 255mb central file, and another 65.7mb MEP file just so I can export that bullshit out to CAD.

Of course, nobody involved with the project on this end even knows what the fuck 'Revit' is (nor should they), and attempts to contact the morons that uploaded these files haven't resulted in any responses (mainly because it's hard to respond to phone calls and e-mail when you've got Revit jammed up your ass (along with your head).

I actually opened their link again today - and found that someone had exported a floor plan (good on 'em), but still no MEP, and only a .pdf (revised from the previous drawing) showing half of the building. 

For all I know, the half they are showing might represent my entire scope, but because they are dicking around sending half-ass shit, who even fucking knows at this point?  Sure as fuck not the idiots (in one of our remote offices) who sent me the project to work on.

I was about to relent and just use the CAD background and start slapping my devices on it, but between the fact that I don't know if I'm supposed to do both halves of the building (and the fact that they failed to make a .pdf of their legend) now I'm going to double-down on them meeting my demands before I waste a nother second looking at it.

Obviously this kind of fuckery could exist even if Revit didn't, but as I've repeatedly said in the past - Revit seems to breed this type of shitty communication and half-ass project management.  The people who should be thinking, reasoning, and sharing are simply too busy and/or burned out trying to shart out something even remotely passable from Revit to give a shit about anything or anyone else.

I've started writing an e-mail trying to explain the situation to the guy who first sent me the project THREE FUCKING TIMES, and have deleted it each time because (just like every time I run into this issue) I can't seem to figure out a way to convey what should be obvious as fuck to them without basically telling them to suck my goddamn asscrack.

I need the same fucking shit that I ask for on every single goddamned job we ever do - same as always.  Instead I get clueless looks (or tones of voice) like it's the first time I've ever asked for it.  If I don't take the initiative, they will just assume it's being done.

I think the problem is that what I need is (or should be) so goddamned simple, that it feels stupid to get up in arms about it, but if I don't, then goddamn it and fuck...

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK...

This has been another go fuck yourself Revit moment - brought to you by the fucking assholes and faggots that 'develop', sell, propagate, and use Revit.  Even when you aren't using it, it somehow still finds a way to get in the way of your productivity.

Fuck Revit, Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Reviteers, Fuck Revitards, and Fuck Goddamned Incompetent Motherfucking Fuckfaced Fuckheads.

They can all eat a bag of dicks.  And I don't want to find half of them shoved up their asses like last time.  EAT YOUR DICKS.


Next Time: I Rip Off Some Reviteers Head And Shit Down His Fucking Throat.