Saturday, December 16, 2017

Cloud City


I was just reading over comments - and enjoying memories of doing the Revit sync two-step.

There was always that one asshole who would work all afternoon and neglect to save to central before leaving for the day.  I would come in bright and early the next morning to see if I could convince Revit to behave like a functional piece of software - only to have them drag in at Architect:30, sync, and find out that everything I had managed to do just got blown away (well, the next time I synced anyway - since you didn't actually get any indication when someone else did it).

I jokingly mentioned one time that the only advantage to Revit being such a slow, unproductive piece of shit was that when it would crash or otherwise eat itself, you wouldn't really lose a whole lot of work. Obviously you might've burned a lot of daylight, but chances were you didn't really get anywhere.

Of course, I was always looking for any reason to say 'fuck it',  export what I was working on to ACAD,  and finish up in a fraction of the time and stress. I would even have time to open the model one last time and make sure the lights were located properly (which was the only thing anyone else honestly seemed to care about).

Half the time they didn't actually know that I wasn't working in Revit to complete my drawings - except that my titleblock would have the correct project information (address, job name, etc.) instead of the bullshit that someone slapped in as a placeholder when they set the model up.

I would have my sheets set up so they showed up on the list on their coversheet (once I even imported my drawings from ACAD onto drafting views in Revit so the drawings themselves appeared on the sheets).

It wasn't too difficult to tell I wasn't actually using Revit though, and someone would occasionally get butthurt that I didn't have my dick in the Revit pencil sharpener. They would complain to my boss (who didn't really care, but who also got tired of listening to people complain).

They finally wore him (and by extension me) down into doing a handful of projects in Revit - every single one of which was a massive waste of time and effort for zero gain.

One of the big selling points of converting our office over to BIM/Revit was the ability to charge more for our services - but in reality most projects that had BIM as a deliverable had zero additional fee (or time), and after a certain point the 'all Revit all the time' cabal decided that even if BIM  wasn't requested (or paid for) that those projects would be done in Revit anyway.

Some of them had it in their head that the additional experience in Revit made it a good idea - while others were actually operating under the delusion that they could complete projects faster/better with Revit (despite copious amounts of evidence to the contrary).

The most hilarious part was watching them generate models for tenant finish-outs that we had already received CAD layouts for (and which just needed to be reviewed for local codes and slapped on our titleblock).

One of these came through with a 1 month deadline - but within a the next day or so, the deadline was abruptly cut in half. Everybody else flew into a panic. I smiled because having the CAD layout meant that I didn't have to wait for anyone to generate a model to get to work (most Revit projects would only end up getting kicked off to everyone else after Architectural had spent most of the fee and moved the project deadline closer in order to get a 25% max. completed model for everyone else to work in).

Once they did complete their unnecessary Reviting all I had to do was export their plan (and then point out the mistakes they made). Even funnier was that we did three projects for the same client, but each one had to fit into a differently sized strip-mall shell.

I was able to copy what I did on the first project to the other two and adjust as necessary (then go work on my next dozen or so projects), while the Reviteers had to design three separate models. Even if they had copied the first model over to create the next one, I  can't imagine what would've happened to my stuff when they started adjusting it.

I can, however, imagine the words I  would have used to describe my displeasure with the process (and at least 90% of them would have been the word 'fuck').

As in: 'Fuck Revit', 'Fuck Autodesk', 'Fuck Revitards, and' Fuck You For Fucking with my Fucking job you Fucking Fuckheaded Fucks'.

Au Revoir,
Mssr. SkullFuck

Next Time:Wall To Wall

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Autodesk Regrets To Inform You That You Have 15 Minutes To Clean Out Your Desk.

Sunny Day, Sweepin' The Clouds Away...

I woke up this morning to an entertaining article in the San Francsico Chronicle about a certain company called 'Autodesk' that is currently in the process of laying off 1,150 employees (13% of its workforce) as they 'restructure'.  This follows a layoff of 925 people in February of 2016.

So, why has Autodesk been shedding people like a Revitard sheds their last few functioning brain cells?   If you listen to Chief Executive 'Andrew Anagnost (who pulls down $5 million a year), he claims "We're taking this restructuring action from a position of strength," and contends that "the move was intended to change the focus of investments during a 'growth phase' of the transition to cloud delivery".

That last part sounds exactly like to was pulled from the bullshit generator.  The reality is, Autodesk has been slowly falling behind the curve for some time now.  Anything its brutally overpriced software can do, there are alternative software packages and third-party apps that can do the same (or better) for a fraction of the cost (or no cost at all).

They've still got a few industries by the balls - mostly thanks to hard work on their part (and the part of their 'true believers') of getting Revit - or at least BIM (and Revit = BIM dontchaknow?) required as part of the deliverables for some kinds of projects.

Autodesk's doubling down on 'The Cloud' has led me to be convinced that the majority of its people are complicit in an ongoing plot that I have dubbed 'Cloud Woo' (as a nod to the pejorative term 'Quantum Woo' coined to describe the act of justifying irrational beliefs or weak arguments by an obfuscatory reference to quantum physics - which they almost certainly don't understand).

Anyone with a functioning brain has known that 'The Cloud' more or less became a meaningless buzzword years ago - another article (from way back in 2011) does an excellent job of explaining what basically happened when everyone started tossing the term around carelessly to describe everything and anything (whether or not it was actually related to 'cloud computing' or any of the other concepts related to it).

While things like 'distributed computing' are still a very real thing (and storing things on remote servers has long been a thing - even prior to someone coming up with this term) - practitioners of 'Cloud Woo' have imbued it with magical powers wherein anything they slap the term 'Cloud' onto suddenly becomes more powerful and desirable.

I've railed about it before, but the concept of  a piece of software (and/or files) that I depend on being beholden to remotely operated and maintained equipment leaves me with a very bad taste in my mouth.  Every online/browser based app I've ever used was a clusterfuck, and would often eat itself due to poor coding.

I'm already sick to goddamned fuck of having 'Steam' be the gatekeeper of my games - especially as it seems to want to install updates every single goddamned time I open it.  If it goes tits up, I'm sitting there waiting for it to come back from space before I can run games that are installed ON MY MOTHERFUCKING HARD DRIVE.

I mean it's bad enough if the server with my CAD (or in the past - Revit) license is being slow - now imagine the whole the whole shooting match is floating around out there in fucking space, just waiting for you to have an important deadline to bend you over and fuck you directly in the ass (and that's before you get to hackers, etc.).

Nothing is 100% fail safe, but I can make backups, and have the option of using different hardware if necessary - the idea of building in more fail PRONE shit into the process is thoroughly idiotic.  Autodesk's profit margins still seem to be maintaining, but here's hoping that these layoffs and 'restructuring' are actually the canary in the coal mine signalling major fucking problems.

 Because at least where it comes to Revit, they've got some major fucking problems.

Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Revit, Fuck Andrew Anagnost, and if you don't like it - FUCK YOU.


Next Time: Cloud City

The Ever Morphing Nature Of The Revit Model

Guten Tag Motherfuckers,

There I go again, working on another gigantic school - which neither the motherfucking Architect (or Engineer) will come up off a set of plans for (unless we fork over cash - and that's not happening).

Instead, we converted a set of .pdfs into ACAD - which, as long as the .pdfs were generated by a computer, works sort of 'meh' (as opposed to .pdfs from scans - which work sort of like total garbage).

Keep in mind that if I were, for some reason, sold on the idea of Reviting, that we would have to shell out even more cash for the honor of using someone's shitty Revit model (at which point we would also get sucked into the never-ending cycle of requesting updated Revit models as what I call 'The Ever Morphing Nature Of The Revit Model' starts to take effect.

Now, I'm already at the mercy of people sending me outdated plans - but as long as they don't make any major changes to them, then the people installing my systems in the field can either figure it out (or it will be obvious that changes were made - and we can issue change orders to request more money for having to redesign it).

Not so when it comes to the gooey cluster (of fucks) that is a Revit model.  I would continuously be getting the latest model - with the latest changes, but no easy way of keeping track of what had changed/tweaked.  No way to overlay the old model over the new (and still be able to actually see anything), so any number of changes could sneak through, only to pop up later as 'mistakes'.

In this particular instance, I got all the way through cleaning up the drawings and inserting my devices - before I noticed something on the very last drawing on the second floor.  An 'amendment' had been added to some of the sheets (sometimes more than one) in addition to some 'addendums' (both of which probably should've just been referred to as 'revisions' to keep things straight).

What caught my eye was that they had started adding devices to some of the rooms - but when I flipped back through the rest of the set - not all of the sheets included the latest 'amendement'.  I contacted the Electrical Engineer to see if they could shed any light on it, but instead they referred me to the company that handled the projects documents (because, of course, they weren't doing it in house).

I had already gotten into contact with this company once to request a set of the Electrical HVAC .pdfs (since they didn't provide them with the set they gave me) in order to locate all of the devices that were showing up on those drawings.

They sent me what should've been the 'latest and greatest', and indeed - every single sheet seemed to include all of the 'amendments' and 'addendums' EXCEPT one - the very sheet that had made me aware of the fact that the set I had been provided was incomplete.  I pointed this out to them (but never got a response).

Oh - and while I was setting up the drawings, I also found that their views clipped entire parts of the building (I'm ignoring that though - I just sketched in the parts that were missing, and if any equipment is missing due to their fuckup, then we'll deal with that later.

Unfortunately I've had to put that entire project on hold in order to finalize an exponentially more massive project that another firm actually did the design on (they are kind of partners of ours - but the owner and installer were getting antsy because that firm is slower than fuck).

I thought I was more or less done, when they came back with additional changes to submit - but then they dropped the bomb on me Friday.  I had completely forgotten that a previous submittal had required me to use the customer's layer system (actually a fairly easy fix - except that there are probably 150 drawings that will need to be updated).

If it had been done in Revit (besides the file being several gig in size - or split up into a dozen models), I'm sure there would be Revit standards (or there are some being developed) that would have to be adhered to - and it wouldn't be as simple as fixing a few layers (which I've streamlined by dropping a couple of objects into each drawing that are on the correct layers and simply matching properties as necessary).

It's par for the course with these kinds of projects (i.e. government projects).  I actually went out of my way for a long time to avoid ever working directly for the government (the area I live in has a number of  federal installations), but their projects pay well (and pay on time) - they just have teams of people whose job it is to nitpick every little detail down to the gnat's ass (only to come back and make changes that made all of those details moot.

In the meantime - I got a comment on my last post from reader 'clark' regarding his three year experience with Revit, and subsequent branching out after 33 years of working in architectural firms on his own to do residential design. It's always nice to hear about someone successfully throwing off the shackles of Revit and going back to productivity and sanity.

He mentions a number of pertinent items, such as Revit's obsession with things that are not actually related to Architecture or Engineering (or drafting/modeling for that matter), leaving you spending half of your time chasing your tail - or the fact that nobody past the Revitards who never leave the office give a fuck about the 'benefits' of Revit/BIM.

They just want their drawings so they can build the buildings - and not have to wait while some simpleton fuck diddles themselves with the Revit dick.  I couldn't tell you all of the rookie mistakes I've seen in Revit models (especially by Reviteers who are patting themselves on the back for making such an awesome looking model).

My favorite part was where he says "having too much knowledge about the actual construction process was actually a liability".  That nails the problem perfectly - what you end up with is an office full of people who have 'mastered' modeling buildings in Revit, but don't know the first thing about how those buildings will be built (or the engineered systems inside those buildings will be installed).

The fact is, the building is going to be built - by people who know what they are doing no less, and they don't care about your fucking model.  They need plans, elevations, details, etc., that are correct (and if they aren't, they want them corrected - quickly).  Most could probably do the majority of the goddamned thing off of a napkin sketch (by someone who knows what they are doing).

Everything else is just busy work for idiots.

Fuck Revit, Fuck Autodesk, and if you don't like it - then FUCK YOU.


Next Time: Autodesk 'Restructures'

Monday, October 23, 2017

Another One Bites The Revit Dick

Howdy-Ho There Boys And Girls!!!

I received a comment on a post I did a while ago - reader "Seysearles" was deep-diving into the shallow end of the Revit pool (and like another commenter, most likely googled 'fuck Revit', and found himself here).

His cries for help echoed many other people's Revit experience, and he is left at a pivotal point in his career - as I told him, he basically has two options:
a) Shut the fuck up and use Revit.
b) Tell everyone using Revit to shut the fuck up, and to go fuck themselves.

Of course, I picked 'b', never looked back, and have never been happier.  Obviously, that may not be an option for those who made the mistake of going into Architecture - but, on the other hand, you will notice that most actual Architects don't use Revit (or any software for that matter), leaving that to the next generation of low-paid idiots (almost none of whom will actually ever become Architects themselves).

I posted a link to an article a while back called "Want To Be An Architect?; - Don't Learn Revit"
 The thrust of the article wasn't actually anti-Revit, just that the discipline of Architecture isn't a piece of software, and tying yourself to one (whether it be Autocad, Archicad, Microstation, or Revit) is counter-productive to the real goal.

To hear Revitards talk about it, Revit IS architecture (or Engineering, etc.).  That's the equivalent of saying that my roll-around toolbox IS a mechanic (or a car).  To most of them their Revit model is also the 'end product', rather than the building that is actually constructed (and which the firm was paid to design).  The amusing part about that, is that the second the building starts getting constructed, it will start to deviate from their carefully crafted model.

I've known a handful of people who were actually on a track to become Architects who absolutely loved Revit - but, almost without fail, they were the ones being put in charge of managing teams of Revitbots, rather than wasting their time dicking around endlessly with Revit.  They might occasionally open a model to look at something in it, but the rest of the time they were looking at, and marking up .pdfs or (gasp) hardcopy.

They were also the ones who would start to venture out into the field to see how construction was being done, and seeing the problems that crop up - even on a very carefully designed building.  The things that Revitbots spend most of their day doing aren't what end up resulting in costly changes and redesign - it's the stuff that only a skilled designer/architect is going to catch because they are thinking about the project as an actual building, and not simply a model.

Unfortunately, I can't offer any real help to someone who has only just now found themselves neck-deep in the Revit swamp.  On the upside - if they do decide to stick with Revit, they've got the advantage of having considerably more resources (and a *slightly* less shitty version of Revit) than those who dove onto the bleeding edge a decade ago with their dicks out.

Of course, that also means you get to navigate the fifteen metric fucktons of misinformation, disinformation, outdated information, and other confused and frustrated attempts out there at wringing anything useful out of Revit.  If you spend any time on any of the various Revit forums, you will quickly discover that no matter how you are using Revit, it is wrong.

How you are supposed to determine (or have determined) the 'right' way to use Revit is never really discussed, which has often led me to believe that many of the people on these forums are simply trolling in order to exacerbate the pain and suffering new/intermediate users were already experiencing.

I've mentioned the way that people on these forums immediately seize on any post where someone (in desperation) is trying to communicate something that they need done - and make the mistake of referring back to how they did something in ACAD (or other software), or dare to question Revit in any way when it refuses to do something consistently (or at all).

This leads to the majority of questions/comments leading off with swearing an oath of fealty towards Revit, and then (while flogging oneself for being so ignorant and impertinent as to need to ask a question) meekly presenting ones dilemma.  Even then, it's fairly common for them to be excoriated by some self-appointed 'Revit Ubermench'.

Are you using third-party families?  Well, goddamned you are a stupid fucking idiot for doing that - you should design them all yourself!!!  Are you designing them all yourself?  Well, that's why you are running into problems dumbass - why aren't you using one of the brazillion existing families out there?  Running into text problems? Oh - that's a windows setting, unless it's a known bug that was fixed in the 2017.2 patch (unless it doesn't), or are we actually talking about two different issues?

Oh - but that's fixed in the 2018 release, (except that it's not).  Apparently the text tool (which was a piece of crap from the get-go) was replaced (another tacit admission that they KNEW it was a piece of crap from the get-go), and so now YOU the user get to suffer while you get the size of your older text boxes corrected (not to mention any projects that might pop back up in the future and require converting, before being fixed).

And that's before you get to problems with the googolplex of view settings.

('b' is looking more and more appealing all the time isn't it?)

Fuck Revit, Fuck everyone propagating Revit, and just... eat a bag of dicks or something (and no hiding them in your ass - EAT YOUR DICKS!!!).

-Fulks Luck

Next Time: The Ever Morphing Nature Of The Revit Model.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

A Revit Fan Chimes In.


So there I am, minding my own business, when an anonymous reader posts a fairly extensive rundown of their experience over the last 30 years in the field of Architecture.  I was intrigued, since it's fairly rare that anyone who isn't a full-on hater of Revit comments here (unless they are trolling or spamming), so I allowed myself to give them an impartial read.

Their over-arching premise seems to be that, despite ungodly amounts of time, effort, and money having been invested in it over the years, nobody has ever actually managed to take into account the needs of the design professional.  I would probably add (as I have in the past) that trying to quantify such elaborate disciplines so that any moron with a computer and a software license can do it is fairly impossible.

Pencil, rapidograph, Versacad, Microstation, Autocad, Revit (pin bar mylar drafting - thanks for the update!) overlays, etc. etc. are simply tools or techniques, each with their own advantages/disadvantages and learning curves.  The ones that have gone by the wayside (especially manual methods) had obvious constraints, but early computer systems also had their own limitations.

While my attitude towards Revit should be fairly clear to anyone with even a passing familiarity with my rants, I've always tried to stress that it is the electrical portion of the software specifically that is the focus of my disdain.  It was obvious from the get-go that it had started as an architectural tool, with the Engineering portions slapped on as an afterthought.

Obviously the Architectural/Structural portions were developed more thoroughly, so it wasn't surprising when Architects and Structural Engineers took to it like pedophiles at a poorly chaperoned field trip. It was the first time most of the people I worked with had been exposed to a 3D design tool (as I've mentioned before, I had spent years designing site and interior lighting in 3D).

Besides the advantage of more fully developed software for their disciplines, they also had the combined efforts of dozens of Architects, designers/drafters, and even one Mechanical designer who literally damned near killed himself beating his head against the Revit machine to make it work (at least something) like it was advertised.

All I had were a dozen projects at any given time to get the fuck out the door - and a couple of shitty 'tutorials' that didn't even come close to addressing what to do when you were dropped head first into the pool of shit that were early (and even later on) Revit models in a never-ending process of flux (and ironically, taking longer and longer to complete).

In theory, this would've given me longer to complete them - and made up for the extra time necessary to overcome the plethora of obstacles Revit would throw up at any given moment.  In reality, I no longer had any way of knowing what the status of my projects were any given time.  If I walk away from a CAD file, and come back to it later, it's exactly the fuck where I left it.

Even if the Architects had been busy rearranging the floor plan - as soon as I exported a new one and dropped it in, the worst that could happen is that I would need to rearrange or maybe add/delete a few things, and adjust my circuits accordingly.  If I walked away from a Revit file for even a day or two, I might come back to find everything fucked.

And that's just goddamned unacceptable.

Anyway, back to what this guy was saying.  I honestly don't know what doing large scale architecture
projects was like in ACAD, and I can imagine it could turn into an unholy nightmare - but the 'how many fucking layers does it take to design an outhouse?' comment struck me as funny, because I had developed a set of field house drawings for a school (including architectural, structural, mechanical, plumbing AND electrical).

I did the whole project in one file - without paper space, and when I was done I had maybe a dozen layers for each discipline just to keep everything straight.  Out of all of the other functions and minutiae ACAD can get you stuck fucking with, I simply don't use 99% of it.  I know quite a few of the settings/commands that can be tweaked to get the results I want (but I don't have to keep them in my head, because the Internet is a massive repository of information on ACAD).

I was amazed when I first started at my current job to find that someone had somehow allowed a metric fuckton of layers (and other junk) to invade their template - and refused to be purged.  I noticed that their files would run into trouble after a few times of cutting/pasting information (you would go to 'paste' and nothing would happen - no error, just 'derp').  I knew there had to be some relation between this and all the extra junk (that was bloating the file size).

Fortunately, after a few minutes of browsing the Internet, I ran across a command called 'write block' (-wblock), which I already knew about, but when you go to write the block, you can specify '*' and it will basically create a new file with everything in it - sans all of the embedded blocks/layers/bullshit.  The result was a smaller/leaner file without all of the bazillion layers/linetypes/etc. - and you could now cut/paste to your hearts delight.

I will admit, there are a number of commands/toggles that could be better arranged, or have better defaults (and maybe some prompts), but having been around computers (and CAD) since way before there were mice connected to them, I'm fairly adept at working my way through things - and the ACAD text window gives you a running tab of what is happening at any given time (so you know that it is having a problem instead of Revit just fucking dinging at you).

I don't use the 'ribbon' or even the classic menus - just a handful of commands in the QAT, and a few pop up menus (properties, the text window, layer manager, etc. that come up on a second screen - leaving me with just... all kinds of room to see what I'm doing.  I also love the ability to flip on viewports and be able to simultaneously look at up to eight different places in my drawing.

How I operate mostly just depends on where my left hand is at any given moment (I'm left handed - although I do keep my mouse buttons set up the same as a right hander)  if it's on the mouse, I will click a command, but if it's on the keyboard, I can quickly type a command (or shortcut - and not have to worry about hitting two keys and starting a fucking unwanted command like in Revit).

Now, the funniest comment - having to do with pulling up an older project.  Try to do it in Revit.

The first thing you will be doing is waiting for half an hour (or more) while it upgrades to your current version (and good luck if it has any problem doing so).  Obviously if the CAD user didn't know about 'relative path' then it's easy for xrefs to get fucked up (I can feel you - because I just got done fixing nearly 200 sheets that some idiots handed over to us to do 'as builts' - including some details that the morons had saved onto their desktop instead of the folder with the rest of the files.

As far as having to drill down through every drawing and change everything to black - could you not simply plot monochrome?  (Maybe not)  But in Revit it wouldn't have been 15 seconds, because you would STILL be waiting for it to convert.  I could see where it would be a bitch to have to go back and use ACAD after having gotten to your level of Revit mastery though - I can imagine it would be like trying to issue a set of drawings on a typewriter.

I like to complain about the garbage files I get from Architects - but I do realize that the files they are sending me are dependent on Revit being able to export to CAD correctly.  What makes me amused is when I see an actual set of their sheets or .pdfs - and it's plain to see right there in their drawings due to view range fuckups (from the 16 quadrillion view range settings).  Honestly, I actually enjoy going through and cleaning up a set of drawings for my use - and it's a great way to get familiar with the building.

To tell the truth, in my current job, I usually have less problems out of Architects, and more out of Electrical Engineers/Designers (the ones whose job I used to do) who don't understand what is necessary for the systems I am designing to meet code (or even work at all).  I just got done issuing a building for a college that was showing zero sprinkler equipment, and had conflicting information for the elevator (due to a typical detail they dropped in - and nonsense on their drawing).

Hopefully one day you will get to have the pleasure of dealing with an MEP firm that is tying the Revit anchor around their balls.  Most simply can't justify the cost - especially since many are using older 'stand alone' copies of CAD (nothing that Autodesk has added in the last decade really has much affect on drafters - and you can download the latest version of TrueView for free if you need to open a newer .dwg file).

It was enough of a pain in the ass to keep up with Revit when all of the disciplines were in the same building - have fun constantly uploading/downloading massive files and watching as it eats itself (especially as Revit newbies attempt to figure out how the hell to use it, quickly burn out, and start to resent you - more than they probably already do).

Everyone can take Revit and stick it up their ass (sideways) - or use it (fuck it - it's no longer my problem).


Next Time: Another One Bites The Revit Dick

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

An Open Letter To The Revitards Who Designed This Fucking Hotel

Cheerio - Pip Pip!

I spent a few days playing 'catch-up' with the never-ending barrage of comments coming from the layers and layers of bureaucracy involved on the half-dozen or so government projects I've been trying to finish for the last year or so - and then got started on a seven story, 50,000+ s.f. hotel.

Unlike the last project I worked on, it was immediately evident this one had been modeled by a team of Revitards operating at maybe 35% brain function.  Fortunately, having spent years unfucking Revitized garbage for my use, it wasn't too difficult to get them cleaned up.

That didn't mean they weren't chock full of just... fucking sad attempts at forcing Revit to vomit up something resembling floor plans (including importing linework for kitchen/bar plans - but not bothering to look at them closely enough to actually provide a coordinated set of plans.

Then on top of that, other discipline's engineers/designers had gotten their hands on it, meaning piles of overlapping, conflicting, and otherwise view-range challenged garbage strewn everywhere.  On the upside, rather than extract 'typical' plans, the equipment I needed was all on the overall plans.

As usual, it was extremely difficult to suss out which units were accessible - since it is apparently impossible to simply label them as such (although they did have symbols denoting which ones were hearing impaired - one of which was comically disappearing under a bed).

Also, as usual, the equipment shown in the guest units didn't make logical sense - meaning that no matter how much thought I put into my design, it will be extremely surprising if I don't end up revisiting the project at least once (minimum).

I'm going to second-guess at least one thing that would require considerable reworking if the AHJ rejects the current design (which I'm almost certain they will) by calculating a heavier load for some devices, then going back and lowering it to match what they show.

I've mentioned doing this before - when equally retarded fucksticks were simply leaving necessary equipment off.  The repetition necessary to recreate the same systems unit after unit (whether doing typical units - or overall as in this case) always shows cracks.

The irony being that Revit is supposed to make it easier/faster (lies/damned lies) but as always, I go unit to unit and floor to floor and find where instead of being able to simply copy and tweak, every single device is placed in every single unit, meaning every time is a chance to overlook something.

I'm seeing lights disappear beneath sink counters (because they are mounted at the wrong height), receptacles and other devices strewn everywhere as they attached to things other than the walls they should have been attached to.  Things floating in space, things stuck halfway in walls.

And that's before you get to the myriad minor (unnecessary, and almost certainly unintended) changes from unit to unit/floor to floor - that only become clear when a template is applied to them.  Again - every wall has to be drawn, every window inserted, every piece of millwork placed.

Many times, when dealing with architects, I was able to show them that their Reviteers were fucking this type of stuff up - and in almost every case, they would make them go back and fix it (but only after it was pointed out).

There were a few project managers (that were still stuck Reviting because they wanted their projects not to be complete suckholes) who knew how to use tools in Revit to keep things consistent, but that had more to do with their experience in architecture, rather than reliance on software.

They were definitely in the minority though, as the vast majority of Revit cheerleaders were obviously having to cut any number of corners to pretend like they were successfully turning out work on par with what their non-Revit predecessors had done.

You've probably heard the old saying 'to err is human, but to really fuck things up requires a computer'.  Well - burying something in shit and destroying any chance at ever digging your way out definitely requires Revit.

It also doesn't hurt if you never leave the office, and never have to see the result of your fucktarded 'designs' being implemented by people who have to figure out how to unfuck them as millwork, countertops, and entire sections of rooms have to be custom built and/or modified.

Anyone bidding a job would do well to find out if it was designed in Revit, and include a little extra in their bid for exactly these types of contingencies.  In years past, if you were doing multiple 'identical' units, you could simply figure out the first one, and reuse those calculations.

This made for considerably faster and more consistent work - but enter the Revitized building, and every trade is having to make countless adjustments as 'coordinated' plans turn out to be sad attempts by Reviteers at cramming everything into a model at the last second.

The people in the field are left with a dilemma - build as shown (i.e. - wrong), or correct, and risk causing problems that require them to go back and adjust to what was shown (at their own expense).  I know if I were doing it, every single fuckup would be written up as a change order.

Knowing where those fuckups stemmed from would be key - as would getting past the first layer of Revit apologists who are going to try to hide those fuckups from their superiors (after adamantly denying that the fuckups exist in the first place).

Fuck inconsistency.  Fuck the Revit lies - and fuck anyone selling those lies.

And if you don't like it - Fuck You.


Next Time: A Revit Fan Chimes In.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

How Low Can Your Standards Go?

So there I am - opening a set of drawings from an electrical engineer for a 5 story hotel.

I'm first struck by the sparseness of the sheets - especially considering that they've broken up the building into four quadrants (I was able to fit each floor onto 36"x48" sheets - although it is crammed on there).  The overall plans are only showing equipment in the corridors/common areas (oh, and they've got some of the common areas broken off into enlarged details - which they conveniently didn't provide CAD files of (fortunately I was able to locate a .pdf set).

Based on how shitty the drawings looked, I was pretty sure it had started off as a Revit file - confirmed by a quick glance at the clusterfuck of exported layers.  Whoever did the electrical design was obviously flying by the seat of their pants, slapping devices here and there, putting forth the absolute minimum effort to give a fuck as they almost certainly were having their rectum discombobulated by the Revit dick.  The fact an engineer signed off on them is just fucking sad.

Even with my formidable skills, It took quite a while to clean up the drawings (which I can't stress enough, were fucking atrocious) figure out what the fuck was going on, and actually get all of the equipment that I cared about onto one set of plans.  I will have six floor plan sheets (as opposed to their sixteen sheets - and they even had their lighting/power on the same sheets -and a typical plan for second through fourth floors) and not only will mine look fucking immaculate, they will also be 100% accurate.

When I went to put equipment from their typical units onto the plans, I was amused to find that out of eight typical plans - only five of them even had the necessary equipment shown.  In addition to this, a catch-all note was included to describe additional/alternate equipment for the accessible units (despite there already being separate plans for those accessible units). At first I thought they had the wrong keynote next to a device, but it turned out that what should've been keynote '10' was only showing '1'.

Also, thanks to one (or more) of the quarter-trillion view settings, there are a fuckton of doors missing from the plans.  Some just show openings, some show headers (some of which are missing doors, some of which are actually supposed to be openings), and one especially confusing one has a 6' sliding door.  Keep in mind, this isn't just nitpicking on my part - there is no clear path of egress on most of these plans.

They had no equipment in elevator shafts, insufficient equipment in elevator equipment rooms, and due to the parking garage that runs up through the middle of the building, they will most likely end up having to come back through and change all of the smoke detectors into carbon monoxide (or combo) detectors.  I'm going to be making a list to send to the guy who sold/quoted the job to determine if we fix these oversights/fuckups or if we just submit 'as-is' and let it get rejected.

If we do the latter, I will take the same approach as I did on the apartment building I did last year, and size everything for the additional equipment so I can just plug it in.  My co-worker just recently had a job where he knew that they were going to need a bunch of extra equipment, so he simply put the additional equipment/wiring/etc. on a separate layer - so when it came back rejected (as we knew it would), he just flipped a few layers on and off, and 'voila'.

Of course, then they ended up making additional changes that couldn't have been predicted (par for the course there).  Based on how little thought was put into slapping these drawings together, I have very little doubt that other things (like codes, local requirements, etc.) were also overlooked - meaning I will most likely end up back in these drawings again - possibly even redoing them almost from scratch as I have others in the past - thanks to nobody giving a fuck until (way) after the fact.

The funniest part is that, aside from anyone I grumble to about it, nobody will realize the amount of thought I have put into it (especially if all of that thought gets negated by a complete redesign).  I've got another recent project that was a renovation of a small building at a waste treatment plant.  The client told us exactly what they wanted to do, so we did it (well, at least I did after deciphering the nonsense that the guy who quoted it shat out).  Then at a meeting yesterday, they did a complete 180.

Fortunately our office manager was at both meetings (due to the guy who quoted it being an alcoholic with a fucked up back that keeps him home a lot of the time) - otherwise (as he even admitted), he wouldn't have believed that it was the client's doing, but misunderstanding on our part.  This was especially important, because he was in a position to then request additional money from the client, since it constituted a complete redesign (after the original one had already been completed AND submitted to the city for review).

That last part is the kicker, because while we could contact the city and tell them not to bother reviewing the first set, that could open a whole other can of worms.  Instead, we're going to let it go forward 'as-is', and then reissue - at which point, everyone's time/money will have been wasted (all due to a clueless client, who really should've known better).  Oh - and to pile irony on it, the work we are doing on the building itself is only a temporary fix to alleviate a much larger problem.

Within two years, that building most likely won't even be there anymore - and the vast majority of what we are doing is to allow personnel to remotely operate equipment in that building (and tie into the adjacent university so they can monitor trouble signals).  Given that the AHJ will have reviewed the first set (and will almost certainly reject it), it will look very much like the client (or our firm) is trying to get around their rejection (based on a building that doesn't come close to meeting code).

I really should've known when I issued the first set of drawings that something was wrong, because it all went smoothly and made logical sense - but that's the world we live in.  The only up side is that I didn't waste countless hours fighting Revit to generate a set of shitty looking drawings, only to find out that it was all for naught.  I'll be drawing a couple of diagrams/schematics, our people already know how to install the shit, and despite all of the attempts to prevent it - we'll actually turn a healthy profit.

Fuck the low standard that Revit has allowed people to drop to - and fuck anyone perpetuating the Revit myth.

And if you don't like it - Fuck You.


Next Time:Let Me Tell You Why Your Model Sucks

Monday, June 26, 2017

Still Not Convinced To Choke On The Revit Dick?

Que Onda Skullfuckarinos?

I was just flipping through some of the nonsensical garbage on the AUGI site when I ran across this extensive buzzword laden screed from human dildo 'Jay Zallan' that literally sounds exactly like the 'drink the kool-aid' bullshit that was being hurled at the architecture/engineering community over five years ago when I first started the Revit MeP Skullfuck:

The saddest part is the fact that it was written (or at least posted) in August 2016 and seems to be yet another in a long line of attempts to convince people that the way they've (successfully) been doing things is WRONG and that BIMming the Revit way is the only way - I mean, how stupid or set in your ways do you have to be to not understand this?

He goes through the same fucking litany as his predecessors (although I seriously doubt this is his first time chastising everyone who isn't him).  BIM is the future (but isn't software - or a process), Revit is the best, ACAD sucks, people who want to keep using ACAD are 'addicted', comparing CAD holdouts to those who were resistant to switching from hand drafting to computers, opining the fact that if everyone would just be on 'the team' (yay team!) then OMG ya'll - everything would just be rainbows and sparkle ponies!!!

If he weren't on the same condescending power trip as every other Revitard out there, some of his suggestions about how to go about transitioning a firm to BIM/Revit would be adorable.  He's careful to distinguish it as a 'revolution' (ironically - from the Latin 'revolutio' meaning 'to turn around', which certainly describes Revit) as opposed to an 'evolution' (which could indicate growth/progress). Some of his suggestions are actually quite good (if not a tad unrealistic) but are all subverted by an undying devotion to what he views as 'The Way'.

It's also telling in how quickly he dismisses his 'holdout' strawman's concerns about whether or not things can be done in 'BIM authoring software' (by which he exclusively means Revit), the appearance of tags/notes/etc. (because how dare you question how Revit WILL make your drawings look?) and then starts doing the Revit self-suck by insulting the intelligence, experience, and dedication to productivity of those who see through the smokescreen.

I think I've made this analogy before - but I could see this guy strutting into an automobile repair shop with a handful of adjustable wrenches and telling the mechanics that they no longer need a box full of different sized wrenches and sockets.  He would talk endlessly about how 'adjustable wrenches are the future of mechanic work', dismiss any concerns about the (obvious) problems, insult anyone who refused to comply, and disregard demonstrable limitations to the tool he has so graciously bestowed upon the lowly peons (who are responsible for productivity/profitability).

After taking away the rest of their tools, he would occasionally catch one trying to put an extension/socket that they snuck in on a bolt that the wrench cannot reach, and then turn it with the adjustable wrench - at which point he would say 'huh... they shouldn't put bolts where an adjustable wrench can't get on them - see if you can do the job without taking that bolt off'.  Right about then, another mechanic would yell for the third time that morning as the wrench slipped, rounded off the bolt, and resulted in him busting his knuckles (four hours into a job that should've taken ten minutes).

He would then proceed into the manager's office to tell them that in order for the shop to be 'transformed', that it will be necessary to figure out what goals are truly desired (as long as those goals are in line with his 'adjustable wrench only' policy), then to 'create plans intended to accomplish those goals', and finally 'commit to and complete the necessary actions in those plans'.  Oh - and the jobs still need to be completed on time (wrenches down!).

Fuck this guy - and every self-centered fuckfaced idiot out there like him.  Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Revit, Fuck 'BIM', and If You Don't Like It - FUCK YOU.

Next Time: The Saddest Set Of Electrical Drawings Ever Shat Out Of Revit

Monday, June 12, 2017

Revit 2018 MeP is 'Path-etic'.

Fuck You And The Revit You Rode In On Bitch!!!

It's that time again - 2018 Revit has been out for a couple of weeks, just long enough for dumbfucks to start installing it and fucking over anyone who had a project to complete, but are now are having to deal with god only fucking knows what.

Literally the only 'electrical improvement' that I could find on any of the various dipshit lists that faggots make of this ignorant-ass shit was something reader 'Hysteresis' had already mentioned regarding being able to manually edit the circuit path.

First off - why the fuck couldn't you always manually edit the circuit path?  Although, in reality - who gives a shit?  Nobody is going to fucking install the goddamned conduit the way you show on a design (and how many extra goddamned drawings are you going to have in your set to show every 3d conduit elevation, etc.?!?!)

As always, the 'partially schematical' set of drawings is what will get issued (and trust me - no contractor is going to waste their time with your shitty model), and conduit routing will be part of the Electrical Contractors 'means and methods'.  Getting a rough idea of how long a circuit is going to be can be helpful in calculating voltage drop (and thus wire size) , but I wouldn't trust Revit to calculate a tip.

I issued hundreds and hundreds of projects over the 12+ years I was doing Electrical Design - calculating voltage drop for countless loads, and thanks to having tools that I could trust not to fuck me - I never once had one come back with problems.  Now in my current job, I have tried and true spreadsheets to allow me to easily enter loads and calculate voltage drops as well.

Never once have I been doing a design and thought to myself 'you know what would make this easier?  Having a program of questionable quality that requires me to do more work in order to 'save time and effort - and that might fuck me over at any time'.  We actually had some guy contact someone at my office trying to foist some software that they developed that is specific to the types of systems that I design now, but after looking over what they had to offer, it didn't intrigue me in the least.

The fact is -any effort I expend that could be automated is more than made up for by the fact that simply by being that involved in every aspect of the project, I'm going to catch every mistake, contradiction, or oversight made by the people who did the initial design/pricing.  As I've mentioned on multiple occasions, at my previous firm, there was almost no end to the major fuckups that I would find in other disciplines work - simply because I was ACTUALLY LOOKING AT THE SHIT.

Add to that the irony that these fuckups were all coming from the very same people telling me how great it feels to apply the set of electroshock nipple clamps that is Revit.

I just finished another spectacular design - a 45,000 s.f. rehab facility (the one where they tried to foist a Revit model off on me), and I probably spent as much time cleaning up their wack floor plans as I did doing my schematics and details.  Oh, and in between starting and completing it - I pulled off and completed a 230,000 s.f. parking garage project (that included some fairly extensive rework of an existing fiber-optic network.

It's just... fucking amazing how much shit I can accomplish without Revit.  Even more amazing is the improvement in my overall well-being when there no expectation that I ever start using it.  I've got a few other systems to finish up on a roughly 90,000 s.f. assisted living facility - then I'm going to be diving headfirst into completion of a massive set of drawings that I inherited to do 'as builts' for on a huge power plant renovation.

The set consists of over 200 goddamned drawings (and associated conduit/wire/device schedule spreadsheets - required by the owner).  The reason for the sheer number of drawings is primarily because (while they weren't using Revit at least) the people who originally did it were stupid as fuck. It would've been a formidable undertaking for anyone, but a little common fucking sense at the beginning of the project could've kept things consolidated, and much easier to keep track of.

The main reason I took it over was that the contractor is pretty much stuck at the job site (and a rather large sum of money is tied up) until the project is finalized, and the dipshits responsible for generating hundreds of sheets were taking weeks to slog through what I can do in days.  I've worked with the same contractor on a generator building at a nuclear facility - and they were blown the fuck away by how responsive I am to their needs, and the quality of my work.

And, to reiterate - none of it involved having to fuck around with Revit, because FUCK REVIT.




Next Time: Apologetic Apoplectic.

Monday, June 5, 2017

How Many Notes Would a Keynote Key if a Keynote Could Key Notes?

All the Revit Shit That's Fit To Fucking Print.

So I'm kicking ass and taking names - when I see a comment from reader 'Christopher Lord' pop up.  Apparently he was running into issues with Key Notes (not surprising considering that Revit has had issues with Key Notes not working properly ever since Revit has been a thing).

Some quick googling came up with a 'known issue' (it's always a 'known issue - and Autodesk is totally working on it man...) with Key Notes disappearing when upgrading from 2016 to 2017 (no big deal there right?).  At my previous firm we would usually come in one day to find that some dipshit had saved the Revit file to the newest version, meaning that we got to jump feet (and dick) first into the newest version.

So there you are, job almost ready to kick out, and BANG - keynotes are fucked.  You google it, praying to whatever god you believe in that somebody has found some kind of 'workaround' (maybe involving adjusting one of the 1/4 trillion plus view settings).

Hell yes - there it is!  Someone describing exactly the problem I'm having, complete with a simple workaround! We're saved!!!  Oh wait - it isn't working.  Ok - breathe, back to google.  Another hit!  Oh... it's just someone begging for a solution - and someone else 'helpfully' pointing out that it's a 'known issue'.

One of the funniest I ran across was a guy saying that 'this issue has shaken my love for Revit to the core':

That's what you get for having love for Revit you dickless piece of shit 'DMapes'.  It fucks you directly in the ass.  If I had time to waste, I could probably find where this guy had berated other people who were forced into Reviting and were running into fucked up problem after fucked up problem for not sharing his 'love'.

I've read countless instances of people leaning on Revit - putting all of their trust into it to do right by them, only to have it fail miserably.  The fact is - YOU CANNOT TRUST REVIT.  It's a fucking lie - propagated by people operating off of what is called the 'sunk cost fallacy'.

Basically, if you are a firm, you've spent literal shit-tons of money to buy Revit licenses, upgrade computers, servers, networks, etc. to handle it, had it eat profits as your employees struggle to figure out how to force the goddamned thing to shart out a passable set of drawings (and even more if you wasted money on 'training'.

If you are a user - you've spent god only knows how many hours beating on Revit, fucking with settings, watching stupid videos, reading stupid blogs, hunting the internet for shreds of information on how to make this goddamned thing work as advertised - and watched as projects that should've been cranked out in days take weeks, months, or even years as teams of Revitards all shit on and/or fling shit all over each other.

There's a point you reach where you won't (or can't) admit that it's fucked - because rather than the blame falling squarely on the shoulders of the ones churning out the garbage software, it's been you - pushing yourself (and others) off the cliff, swearing the whole time that 'it gets better'.

Supposedly the 2017.2 version fixed the Key Note problem (again - since this isn't the first time this shit happened - both to Key Notes specifically, and any number of other things in between updates - or when it just decides to take a shit one day).  Now - the problem is, installing that update may very well fuck something else up.

And you won't know until you are already sailing through the air - legs, dong, and balls flapping in the breeze - heading towards the giant Revit wood chipper at the bottom of the cliff.

Fuck That.

Fuck Revit, Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Revitards, Fuck Revit Gurus, and fuck anyone unwilling to admit they got FUCKED by Revit.


Next Time: Path-etic.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Now, Was That So Fucking Hard?

Imagine there's no Revit - it's easy if you try...

Welp... I managed to beat everything I needed out of the Reviteers (again) so I can actually get to work on their project.  I remember a long time ago (at another firm) we came up with a list of what we had to have in order to start a project.  One of the first items on the list was a floor plan that had been approved by the owner (or owner's representative).

Obviously there might still be changes, tweaks, etc. - but it gave you a starting point.  If this was not forthcoming, then any schedule someone might try to set was meaningless - and we would tell them as much (whether or not they were paying attention was another thing).

Now, it's sad that we would have to explain to someone that we can't do our job until you do your job - but that's the way it was.  Then Revit comes stumbling onto the stage like a drunken fratboy into a nightclub - just waving its flaccid whiskey dick all over the place.

All of a sudden there's no standard anymore, and anything some dickless fucktard shits out in it is what you get to work with. We still had some kind of requirement for 'your shitty model must be at least 75% complete before we allow you to wedge it into our rectums' or some such.

The problem is that nobody could define what percentage 'complete' a model was at any given point - this was a boon for the idiots stuffing their dicks into the Revit grinder on a daily basis.  They could get it to spit out a 'floor plan' and maybe even a 'reflected ceiling plan' and claim it was ready to go.

Five minutes later (4 minutes and 45 seconds of waiting for their model to load), it would be painfully obvious that they had pulled some serious voodoo Reviteering to get it to spit those plans out, because attempting to start laying out my equipment would find me spinning in circles.

Every time I would save to central, there would be something FUBAR.  The wall you hosted all of those panels to?  Gone.  The room that they gave you for those panels (that they jokingly asked you how big it needed to be)?  Cut in half - because someone forgot to make room for HVAC units, water heaters, elevator equipment, or a sprinkler riser.

Put in some lights?  Oh - sorry, we deleted and/or changed the type of ceiling.  Put in some switches? Oh - we flipped those doors around and moved them.  Receptacles? Oh - there is a countertop there now, with a microwave on it, and a range with a hood, and a refrigerator, and some vending machines.  Oh - and an eyewash station that needs an instantaneous electric water heater that pulls insane amounts of power (did we mention that there will be 7-8 of those throughout the building?)

Made the mistake of wiring any of that shit up?  Congratulations, you would be better off starting over.  Your panels are now the wrong size, in the wrong locations (and prior to a certain release - couldn't be moved once they had a certain number of circuits in them).

The disconnect switches you put in for those HVAC units (that you had to insert and then fill out based on the mechanical schedules - instead of everything magically working by itself)? They just decided to switch from a chiller with VAV boxes to split systems (oh - and now there are a handful of closets for air handlers that just fucked up 50% of the device locations, lights, etc. that you spent hours meticulously putting in).

Then they decide to do something that REALLY fucks you up (or Revit just decides to take a shit) and something that you desperately need to work NOW, refuses to work.  Then you get to spend an hour in a circle jerk with the Revitards/Revit Gurus.

And what part of that doesn't sound like fun?

On the up side, I was having a conversation with an older guy today, and he mentioned something offhand about ACAD being strictly 2D.  Ironically the guy knew that ACAD had been used for years to design parts to be sent to machine tools - but I was able to give him a quick tour of ACAD's formidable 3D abilities.

Not that I need any of that to do my job now (or my old job for that matter).

Fuck Revit, fuck the dumb shit - and if you are not of the liking it variety, then fuck off you shall.

Next Time: Did You Really Need To See Those Key Notes?

Friday, May 19, 2017


Good God.

Another idiot sent me a link to a download of 'CAD' files - only to find out that the only .dwg was a Civil drawing (in related news - if you are considering going to school for engineering, and don't want to have the Revit dick jammed up into your guts, Civil Engineering might be the way to go).

I actually have access to student versions of all of Autodesk's software, but like fuck I'm going to install p.o.s. Revit on my machine, only to then waste my time downloading a 255mb central file, and another 65.7mb MEP file just so I can export that bullshit out to CAD.

Of course, nobody involved with the project on this end even knows what the fuck 'Revit' is (nor should they), and attempts to contact the morons that uploaded these files haven't resulted in any responses (mainly because it's hard to respond to phone calls and e-mail when you've got Revit jammed up your ass (along with your head).

I actually opened their link again today - and found that someone had exported a floor plan (good on 'em), but still no MEP, and only a .pdf (revised from the previous drawing) showing half of the building. 

For all I know, the half they are showing might represent my entire scope, but because they are dicking around sending half-ass shit, who even fucking knows at this point?  Sure as fuck not the idiots (in one of our remote offices) who sent me the project to work on.

I was about to relent and just use the CAD background and start slapping my devices on it, but between the fact that I don't know if I'm supposed to do both halves of the building (and the fact that they failed to make a .pdf of their legend) now I'm going to double-down on them meeting my demands before I waste a nother second looking at it.

Obviously this kind of fuckery could exist even if Revit didn't, but as I've repeatedly said in the past - Revit seems to breed this type of shitty communication and half-ass project management.  The people who should be thinking, reasoning, and sharing are simply too busy and/or burned out trying to shart out something even remotely passable from Revit to give a shit about anything or anyone else.

I've started writing an e-mail trying to explain the situation to the guy who first sent me the project THREE FUCKING TIMES, and have deleted it each time because (just like every time I run into this issue) I can't seem to figure out a way to convey what should be obvious as fuck to them without basically telling them to suck my goddamn asscrack.

I need the same fucking shit that I ask for on every single goddamned job we ever do - same as always.  Instead I get clueless looks (or tones of voice) like it's the first time I've ever asked for it.  If I don't take the initiative, they will just assume it's being done.

I think the problem is that what I need is (or should be) so goddamned simple, that it feels stupid to get up in arms about it, but if I don't, then goddamn it and fuck...

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK...

This has been another go fuck yourself Revit moment - brought to you by the fucking assholes and faggots that 'develop', sell, propagate, and use Revit.  Even when you aren't using it, it somehow still finds a way to get in the way of your productivity.

Fuck Revit, Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Reviteers, Fuck Revitards, and Fuck Goddamned Incompetent Motherfucking Fuckfaced Fuckheads.

They can all eat a bag of dicks.  And I don't want to find half of them shoved up their asses like last time.  EAT YOUR DICKS.


Next Time: I Rip Off Some Reviteers Head And Shit Down His Fucking Throat.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Model Student

Salutations Fuckheads!

I received a hilarious e-mail this morning containing a link to a Revit model for a project.  I immediately sent it back and told the guy whose job it is that he needed to request a CAD file of the floor plan.

It feels so damn good to be able to tell people who send me Revit shit to fuck off.  For a second I pondered what it would be like if I had to worry about opening their Revit model to work in it, or set up my own model and link theirs in.

Then I laughed and shook my head - why would anybody fucking do that?  It would be the equivalent of coming to work and slamming your dick in a drawer.  Now, I'm sure there are some people out there who get off on shit like that, but it would definitely cut into your ability to be productive.

I'm kind of half hoping that they come back and say that 'the project has to be done in Revit' (it's a government job, so these other poor sad fuckers probably do have to do it in Revit), not realizing that we couldn't give less of a shit if we tried.

I could just see some brain damaged fuck trying to pry open our eyelids in a futile attempt to insert the Revit dick into our eye sockets 'why don't you want the Revit dick fucking your skull?'.  It wouldn't surprise me in the least.

What would be even funnier is if they tried to do an end run around me and try to get someone to come down from above (after somehow justifying throwing away thousands of dollars on a Revit license - and a machine capable of running it) and tell me that 'now we're doing it in Revit' without knowing what the fuck that even means.

In that event, I would be reminded again why I'm so glad I'm only doing this kind of work because I enjoy it, and minus the enjoyment (i.e. plus Revit), I would simply go find something else equally lucrative to do that doesn't involve my dick, a drawer, and slamming.

Get Fucked!


Next Time: WTF?

Edit: they responded by sending me an export from their Revit model consisting of a .zip file containing 148 items - I'm not sure if this was because they are fucking idiots, if they were being sarcastic (or both).  Regardless - fuck them with the force of a million suns.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Phased Out


So I've been working on a large scale project that would already be elaborate enough, but has been made even more of a clusterfuck thanks to it being broken down into phases.  I actually don't know what software the Architect/Engineer are using to develop their plans - although based on how shitty they look, Revit is a pretty good bet.

I started the project (which I've probably talked about before), and did the first phase (which was rather huge) to completion, when I received what was ostensibly the second phase drawings from the electrical engineer (they sent the wrong system drawings the first time).  I was confused to see that what they were referring to as 'phase 2' was actually half of the building that I had originally designed as Phase 1.

I made the mistake of assuming that they knew what they were doing - but it seemed logical, because they had separate systems, and were basically two buildings that made up a ring.  I went ahead and broke them out into Phase 1 and Phase 2 to match, but then a few weeks later I received a panicked phone call from our guy (in one of our out-of-state offices) who had been told by the electrical contractor that the Phase 2 I had issued was part of Phase 1.

Fortunately I had already completed what I thought was Phase 3 (part of the problem is that nobody I talk to has any fucking clue what is supposed to be in each phase - despite there being very clear terminology that could be being used to describe each one, instead of just numbering them), and so I told him to give those drawings to the electrical contractor while I figured out what the hell was going on (because they sure as fuck weren't going to).

My contact with the electrical engineer was no help, so I bypassed him and contacted the architect, who cleared up the confusion (or at least clarified where the confusion had originated).  For some reason the electrical engineer had broken down Phase 1 into two 'packages' (meaning I had done it correctly the first time, and only became confused when they resent their second package for no discernible reason).

I went ahead and put Phase 1 back the way it was, changed Phase 3 to Phase 2, and then got started on the actual Phase 3 - which is now on hold because I'm trying to dig through a pile of comments on a separate project (while others pile up).  I had already made some adjustments, and received a accusatory e-mail (from the same guy who was panicking about the phased project - although it turns out that they had someone leave their office, meaning this guy just had everything fall in his lap) asking why I hadn't addressed the rest of the comments.

It turned out the reason I hadn't addressed the rest of the comments is because, while they received them a week ago, they HADN'T BOTHERED TO FUCKING SEND THEM TO ME.  Most were fairly simple, but the last 2-3 have required me to get drawings from the mechanical engineer (since the electrical engineer for this project hasn't updated their drawings yet), and it was still a motherfucker to discern what the hell they were talking about.

It didn't help that the comments themselves were spread across a set of fire protection drawings (that I received first), an e-mail, another marked up set of drawings attached to that e-mail, AND a list of comments attached to the e-mail (that the comments in the e-mail referred to extensively).  I just slapped it out before moving on to the next set of comments from an AHJ - two of which are just notes to add, but three of which refer to equipment not shown on the engineer's drawing.

The AHJ actually called me the other day to ask about two of the items (one of which is actually on the Mechanical comments but affects me anyway (which is why, unlike most people, I always read every comment and not just the ones directed at me).  I forwarded on questions to someone who (hopefully - but doubtfully) has answers, and then (mostly to spite the motherfuckers working on the large multi-phased project) I decided to dive into a fairly simple project I received information for the other day and CAD files today.

It won't take long to finish, so I'll probably be back to Phase III by the end of the day.  And when I get it done - there's a Phase IV, which is a free-standing building (so basically it's own little project) that I wouldn't have even known to look for if I had continued down the path that the electrical engineer had me on (because I would've assumed I was finished after doing the part I'm currently on).

We're going to be facing a lot of whacked out confusion over the next few weeks/months due to that guy leaving with several projects at varying levels of design, review, installation, commissioning, etc. - the only saving grace is that Revit is nowhere to be seen.  I'm sure a Reviteer would be the first to point out that it has all kinds of tools for managing project phases, filtering etc. - which is great, except that then you would have to use Revit.

And I'd still be on Phase 1.

Fuck stupid people who refuse to communicate - and fuck Revit.


Next Time: Model Student

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

2017 Revit Continues To Be A Thing?

Hola Amigos,

I haven't had much in the way of Revit bullshit to complain about lately - other than a handful of projects that keep coming to me that are exported into CAD from Revit, each requiring copious amounts of cleanup due to the vast number of mistakes, oversights, and garbage-in/garbage-out design techniques being used by the Revitards responsible for sharting them out.

I figured I would do a little bit more reading up on where Revit stood for 2017, and came across this review from 'Sean David Burke' (self-admitted volunteer member of the Autodesk alpha and beta testing programs and participant of the Autodesk AEC Blogger Council - meaning that if he had the Revit dick any deeper down his throat, it would pop out his ass and go back in his mouth again).

The line under his review title asked the question "Is the latest version of the popular BIM software upgrade-worthy?'  The answer is obviously 'Who the fuck cares?  You will be forced to switch to it', but despite this fact, he goes on to attempt to make the case that yes, this upgrade really is a good one.

I probably laughed for a good five minutes solid when, while mentioning the end of perpetual licenses, he says that 'customers will likely demand more for their investment'.  Demand?  Who the fuck does he think is using Revit?  Autodesk's 'customers' are mostly companies purchasing licenses for their employees to use - so long as they are getting the licenses, they couldn't give two shits or a fuck if Revit ever improved anything.

With that said - the first 'improvement' on his list is... MODERNIZED TEXT EDITING!!! Congratulations!  Autodesks 'flagship' software is now capable of editing text (no word on whether they ever figured out shape fonts - did I mention the same people who tried to force feed me Revit were the same ones who opted to switch from 'Archquik' to 'Comic Sans'?).

Yes, Revit 2017 has a 'completely redesigned text engine' that 'improves compatibility with imported and exported Autocad DWG files and creates a pixel-perfect WYSIWYG experience in the text editor' (yeah, that doesn't sound like someone flipped on the buzzword bullshit generator).  You can now 'format the text with confidence, knowing it will look the way you intended'!!!

Then, after distracting us by mentioning that the text tool gets it's own ribbon menu (oh joyous day...), he mentions that projects that are brought into 2017 that have longer text notes may or may not read as intended and may or may not run into other graphics on the sheet due to 'overall height of characters in certain fonts, blah blah blah.  In other words, you can be 'confident' that your carefully tweaked text will most likely be fucked up when you are forced to convert to 2017.

Next on the list is 'Improved Schedules and Tags Tools'.  Since they decided to make an attempt at giving Revit word processing capabilities on par with Microsoft Word 95, I guess they decided they might as well get the schedules up to the level of Excel 3 or 4.  Oh - and tags can hold formulas now - so everyone can just shut the fuck up about wanting that.

By item #3 'Enhanced ability to show depth in drawings', it's already getting padded out.  I mean seriously - Revit needed MORE fucking view settings?  Then it's off to the races with more buzzword bullshit like 'parametric flexing' and 'effecting large cascading changes'.  He quickly moves on to 'Dynamo' - even though it's not actually a new feature in Revit 2017, but a standalone computational tool.

After watching Reviteers struggle for weeks on end to put out buildings that are mostly right-angles (with the occasional vaulted ceiling or curtain wall) I can't imagine how fucked a project would be if they were attempting to program Dynamo or Grasshopper for Rhino to generate an elaborate design.  I'm sure large-scale firms have projects with budgets big enough to keep a couple of savants around to figure out the necessary algorithms, and more power to them, but pretending like this in any way benefits the vast majority of users is a fucking insult.

Least (and last) is #5 - an easy button for energy analysis.  Besides the fact that he immediately jumps track into how it uses the cloud based 'Autodesk Green Studio' shows that this is, yet again, not an actual improvement of Revit, but just a way to access another existing piece of software.  He then opines the fact that while 'AGBS' has had an intuitive dashboard makeover, it has not made its way into Revit (big surprise there).

Next is the requisite babbling about cloud-based applications, and the obvious need for additional improvements to Revit (get to demanding buddy!) before the vomit-inducing cost for the software (or more accurately, the right to use the software for a little while).

It's almost enough to make me say fuck Revit, fuck Revit users, and fuck Autodesk.

Until Skull We Fuck,

Next Time: Seriously - How Do These People Get Out Of Bed Without Hurting Themselves?

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Diverting The Bus

Hello Again!

Back-to-back installments of the Skullfuck - aren't you lucky?

While fixing the 'typical' bullshit this morning (it's funny, the most stressful shit I've had to deal with at this job still pales in comparison to the best day I had fighting with Revit), I had somebody ask me about some additions to an industrial building I did a while back.

They told me that there were two remote panels missing (that were shown on the drawings we received) and that the main control panel was shown in the wrong place.  I verified that this was indeed the case, and a few minutes later the office manager came by asking about the same thing.  He was concerned because we would most likely have to eat the cost of the 'missing' panels.

Fortunately, I don't throw anything away.  I used to have people laugh about the number of boxes I kept in my office (five years worth at any given time), but besides covering my (and the companies) ass on more than one occasion, it was also a visual representation of the amount of work I had cranked out over that time period (instead of sitting around whittling my dick in Revit).

Within a few minutes I was able to produce a drawing that I had used while discussing the project with the guy who originally brought it to me.  It wasn't exactly what I was hoping to find (someone's markup telling me to take the panels out), but it was the next best thing.  Basically, the guy had made changes to the design based on what he thought they needed (whereas I would've done it exactly as shown).

Based on that drawing, the office manager was able to see that the changes were obviously intentional and not an oversight on my part.  Now, that's partly a matter of personal pride - but also reflects on my professionalism.  It's hard to say whether or not the guy who made the changes would've owned up to it (were it not for having hard evidence), but fortunately I don't have to worry about it now.

I don't go around all paranoid thinking that people are out to fuck me over, but experience has shown that it's better to never give them an opportunity in the first place - and I'll definitely have my eye on this guy in the future if he ever tells me to deviate from a design in the future.

It's the same attitude I took all those years ago when someone tried to fuck me over by convincing me to throw away the tools I continue to use with great success in exchange for a bag full of broken screwdrivers  - and I responded with a resounding 'FUCK YOU'.

Especially considering that it was the same people I had to constantly keep an eye on to keep them from throwing me under the bus who were trying to convince me to do it.

Fuck that.  Fuck Revit, and if you don't like it Fuck You!


Next Time: 2017 Revit Continues The March Into WTF Territory?

Can You Hear Me Now?

Hello Sunshine!

It's funny, I spent years fighting the good fight by trying to keep up with the constant changes that result from indecisive project owners, incompetent design staff, and a total lack of fucks given on the part of those who decided to throw Revit into the midst of an already unstable system under the delusion that all of that other shit would somehow work itself out.

I sidestepped that shit show, but still find myself downstream from it from time to time, which makes it necessary to take steps to prevent myself from winding up wading in fecal matter.  I received a call the other day from someone in one of our other offices asking about (yet another) hotel where someone reviewing our drawings pointed out that we hadn't put the necessary devices into hearing impaired guest units.

I pointed out to the caller that I had responded to these comments several months ago with some pertinent questions, but received no response (meaning they never read my e-mail, or read it and forgot about it)  I forwarded the e-mail to them (yes, forwarded the same e-mail that I had already sent them).

Now, even though I have considerable experience in the skill of convincing people who don't want to deal with their own projects to pay attention for long enough to grasp the intricacies, it can still be difficult to get them to understand the questions that I ask require more than two word responses (and may actually require them to do their fucking jobs).

In this case, after reviewing the drawings we received from the engineer, it became clear that there was no way to actually determine which guest units were hearing impaired.  Their typical units only had normal and ADA plans - although I did find one note buried on one of the sheets about hearing impaired unit requirements.

While looking at the list of units they claimed were hearing impaired I started to see that (most of) these units had a '-CF' added to the end of the unit type (although what '-CF' was supposed to indicate was nowhere on the drawings).  Looking harder, I found that even that wasn't consistent throughout all of the floors (with some '-CF' units not being on their list, and some on their list without '-CF'.

The one difference between what I used to do and what I do now, is that when there are mistakes, inconsistencies, etc. on the drawings we receive (or changes come along later), we can charge to make these changes.  It would sometimes happen at my old job (if the changes were being driven by the owner, and the project manager had the sack to ask for more money), but it's standard practice here.

It still requires getting the project manager on board with the fact that the information we received was incomplete, and that it wasn't an oversight on our part.  Fortunately (as always), because I'm using CAD, I was able to put together updated plans quickly so they can see the extent of the changes that were necessary.

I doubt that the explanation that I provided them (and outlined here) will ever get to the people who made the comments (although when I send these drawings - I'm going to reiterate it again).  I guess I shouldn't be surprised though - since every project I've ever done with 'typical' units required grabbing someone by the face and convincing them that units requiring special attention need to be brought to my attention.

If I'm successful in making my case, they might even keep me in the loop when changes that affect me are made (the second the decision to make those changes is made - and not when those changes finally make their way onto drawings/models).

Revitards made a clusterfuck out of a the last building with typical units I ever had the displeasure of looking at in Revit (by trying to detail out a specific unit in the overall plan for each 'typical' unit).  Even after extensive planning, I still had to hold their hand through the process (imagine that).

Now that I'm one step removed from that whole process, I have to rely on someone taking the initiative to send me updated drawings - but as I mentioned earlier, whether they give them to me now, or wait until later, they are getting charged.

Fuck incompetent morons, and since there is a good chance their incompetence is being multiplied exponentially through the use of Revit, then fuck it too.

Now Go Fuck Yourself,

Next Time: Diverting The Bus

Wednesday, February 1, 2017


Here we go again.

I picked up another project - two buildings, one three story with 72 units, and one four story with 63 units.  The plans were obviously done in Revit, however there was no attempt at making the typical units based on anything in the buildings.

It was immediately apparent something was wrong though, because they had still attempted to overlay the typical units on the floor plan - and in every single unit, the stove/range extended nearly all the way through the adjacent wall.

What struck me as odd was that I had reviewed a .pdf set and hadn't noticed it looking as fucked up as the plans I was setting up to use, so I took a closer look at them and was amused to find that the way they had made it work was by squeezing the stove/range to fit (leaving the eyes/burners on the range oval shaped).

I supposed it's possible that the width of the range is now correct based on the model they are going to install - however it still looked stupid on the .pdfs and completely retarded on my plans, and even though nobody is installing countertops based on my plan, I'm not about to send out my drawings looking like ass.

Quickly stopping to thank my lucky stars that I wasn't constrained by the idiotic shit that someone else crapped out in Revit, I dove in and fixed the plans (along with any number of other fuckups that have apparently become acceptable since Revit turned everyone's brains to shit).

Even though there was no difference between the building dimensions down both sides of the corridors, they had still somehow fucked up the dimensions within individual units (it would have been unnoticeable except when I attempted to align multiple ranges to their adjacent walls).

I'm still waiting on information to complete some of the systems, but I went ahead and got as far along as I could, and made a few guesses to fill in the blanks so that when that information is forthcoming I can either pat myself on the back for guessing correctly (or more likely end up having to adjust it accordingly).

Again - the ability to sketch out multiple options quickly, and then adjust and insert the necessary one(s) is invaluable to my line of work.  I've already sized conduit sleeves into the individual units, so the only other thing I will have to do once I verify the rest of the information is to size sleeves through firewalls in the corridors based on the number and types of cabling going through each.

I'm sure someone somewhere has figured out how to make Revit calculate conduit sizes based on fill charts, but I can generally guess pretty close, and then run calculations to double-check.  Of course, I will also leave some spare space - since invariably, someone will forget to tell me about something (or tell me wrong).

One other task I will have to undertake (as with any hotel/apartment) is to grab the person responsible for designing the building, shake them out of their Revit stupor, and force them to give me accurate counts on the number of handicap accessible, hearing impaired, etc. units (as opposed to what they are currently showing on their drawings - which is almost guaranteed to be wrong).

Not that they won't change the number/location of these later - but I want to have it in writing, so if we have to go back and change things, we can demand additional payment (in addition to not having to worry about someone making the mistake of questioning our ability to design our systems correctly).

If experience has taught me anything, it's that someone will inevitably fuck up, and the first thing they will do is start looking for someone to toss under the bus.

And goddamned if it's going to be me.

Fuck Autodesk, Fuck Revit, and Fuck Reviteers.  Eat a bag of dicks!


Next Time:More Typical Bullshit

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Hey - Where Did Revit Put That Door?

Glorious Morning!

I'm digging through a massive upgrade project that I somehow got talked into assisting with (another firm had been working on it up to this point, but between them being incompetent, slow, and error prone, we were asked to de-fuck the project).

It's actually the kind of thing I could see some Reviteer jizzing in their pants over the opportunity to show off their mad scheduling skills because the client (for some reason) wants schedules showing every piece of conduit and cable throughout the project (in addition to drawings showing the same information).

Fortunately for me, the people doing it used ACAD for their drawings (with .cal files referenced into them showing the backgrounds that came from an old set of drawings that were scanned and converted).  It's not what I would call the 'best' way of doing it, but they apparently tried converting the scans into CAD linework and the results were terrible.  Drawing over the top with CAD linework would normally be how I would do it on a smaller project, but this is multiple large buildings across a huge facility (and our scope/budget doesn't include time/money to do anything like that - and sure as hell doesn't include resources for modeling or dicking around with Revit for the rest of our lives).

The schedules are all done in Excel, and while it was a little bit tedious, I was able to completely redesign the first (relatively small) building despite them having put the panel feeding the system we are designing at damn near the diagonally opposite corner from where it actually needed to be.  Someone also added some devices and modified the floor plan (which I had to fake in, since the background isn't really editable).  All I have to do now is punch in a few quick dimensions (thank you polyline!) and doublecheck the conduit schedule to make sure that I have all of the cables shown properly.

Some automation would be cool - but at the same time, it's difficult to guarantee that said automation won't fuck things up worse than these morons did in the first place (especially if that automation is being utilized by similar morons).  I've mentioned in the past how many errors I run across on other people's work simply because I'm spending a little more time (key word 'a little') to go through and actually look at how everything is being designed rather than say 'well, it's in Revit, so that's good enough'.

Case in point.  Over the last few year or so I've had a fairly large data center project (approx. 9000 s.f.) come back around a few times with changes and added scope.  I've talked about it before - because the architect on the project Revited up a model of the main area and a few ancillary rooms (in a much larger existing building).

They have multiple disciplines working with that model (HVAC/Pluming/Fire Protection, Electrical, etc.), which makes it especially amusing when I receive their latest and greatest model (exported into ACAD of course) to use as my background, and I notice that (since my systems extend beyond their area of work) that it doesn't actually line up with the rest of the building.

Also of note is a solid wall shown between the foyer and the main area - where I know there is a door, but most likely due to one of the 1/4 billion or so view settings that I always harp on, it just ain't there.  I also have a .pdf of the drawing they (and the rest of the Reviting disciplines) are submitting too, and it isn't there either - so it's not just the export.

Then, while trying to figure out how to merge their plan and the overall plan, I notice that their entire plan is actually rotated a fraction of a degree.  Again, I go look at the .pdf and sure enough - you can zoom way in and see little jogs in the line indicating that they aren't squared up.  I use my trusty 'ALIGN' tool to fix that, but there is still something wrong.  Columns that should be at 30' spacing are actually shown at 29'-11 39/64.  Not a big deal - until you get to the other end of the room and walls are off by over 3".

Until I started noticing these fuckups, I was almost to the point of giving them the benefit of the doubt that someone had gone out, taken measurement, and accurately modeled the rooms that were being modified.  In reality, either nobody gave a fuck - or nobody noticed.  As always, Revitbots will point to the user (and not Revit) as the problem, which would be fair, except that this shit which wouldn't have flown pre-Revit, somehow gets a pass now.

If I were (god forbid) using Revit and was tied to this shitty model in order to produce my drawings, I wouldn't have a choice but to fake it and put mine out just as half-assed as everyone else, and fuck that.  My only other choice would be to try to cajole the dipshits responsible for it to fix their fuckups (which, at this stage in the game, is almost certainly not going to happen - except maybe that door...)

Fuck Revit, Fuck Autodesk for foisting Revit on the design industry, Fuck Autodesk again for continuing to stand behind Revit, and fuck them one last time just for good measure.  Fuck Revitbots, Revitards, Reviteers, and Revit Gurus.

And if you don't like it - FUCK YOU.  Go fix your fucked up model fucktard!


Next Time: A-typical