Friday, August 29, 2014

The Revit Shit House Club Song

Who's the leader of the club
That fucked over you and me?


Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there
You're as screwed as you can be


Revit Shit House!
Revit Shit House!

Forever let us model our banner
High! High! High! High! (On Crack)

Come along and do some BIM
And join the circlejerk!


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Sanctimonious Motherfuckers & You (A Guide)

There are typically two kinds of people in the workplace.  Those who do, and those who stand in the way of those who do.  In any kind of rational world those who do would be rewarded for their efforts while those who stand in the way would be marginalized.

Enter the Sanctimonious Motherfucker, who, rather than doing, ingratiates him/herself with higher-ups, and through the use of smoke and mirrors (and copious amounts of ass-kissing) puts themselves in a position where they can simultaneously do nothing, while throwing roadblocks in the way of those who are attempting to do something.

They might fill some kind of necessary position, but you can be rest-assured that the Sanctimonious Motherfucker will figure out a way to erode their responsibilities, while giving the higher-ups the impression that they are finding creative ways to save time/money/resources.

Nobody is safe from the S.M. because the S.M. lives in constant fear of anyone who might upstage them, or take them out of the good graces of the people they have worked so hard to convince of the value they add to the firm.

They will throw someone under the bus faster (and more viciously) than even imaginable, and the more effort someone puts into making sure they can defend themselves against the S.M., the more of a threat they pose.

It's an age old problem - someone manages to get the ear of upper management and convinces them of some plan of action (regardless of whether or not they even understand the intricacies and requirements to get the job done).

This is the source of the vast majority of arbitrary rules and counter-productive processes.   Again - in a rational world (or at least within a rational firm) these types of people, rules, and processes would be out on their sanctimonious asses in a heartbeat.

Instead, the voices, opinions, and rationale from those who do are drowned out at the source by those who aren't content simply spinning their own wheels or finding ways to avoid work, but want to make sure that nobody else can be productive (or happy).

This fundamental disconnect between the people whose primary interest is supposed to be the overall health and productivity of a firm and those who work the hardest to make it a reality is a frustrating one - made that much more maddening by the Sanctimonious Motherfucker.

I can't offer much in the way of advice for how to deal with this sub-species, all I can do is warn you that they are out there, and that they are, indeed, motherfuckers. 

Most people are already aware of this dynamic at some level - but even then, many will suffer crippling self-doubt and disillusion as they watch their contribution go unappreciated or unnoticed, and get tired of having their hand slapped back every time they make an effort to improve the system.

Meanwhile that Sanctimonious Motherfucker will be sucking the collective dicks of management.

Fuck all of the Sanctimonious Motherfuckers out there.  Fuck their milquetoast, sheep-eyed, drooling, dick-filled faces.  Fuck their incessant ass kissing.

Fuck Autodesk for using these very same S.M.'s to force the Revit dick into the eyesockets of designers everywhere.

Fuck every single person willingly using, propagating, or defending Revit.  Fuck their buzzword laden speeches, self-important bullshit, and (as always) if you don't like it - FUCK OFF AND DIE BITCH!!!!!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Revit 2015 Can Suck A Dick

Ever since motherfuckers started saddling up on the Revit donkey, they were dreaming of a day when it would magically grow and transform into a tall and majestic stallion.

I am here to tell you that day has come, ladies and gentlemen - I give you Revit 2015!!!

 Now, the Revit Apologists will whip that fucking donkey until the heat death of the universe, and it will still be the same fucking donkey they originally saddled up on.

I ran across this post from early last year (I seriously need to start compiling more links - it's still strange how few current links you can find regarding Revit at any given time - they are all old):

Over the course of that discussion, a shit-covered cock-sucking motherfucker from Autodesk by the name of 'Arnost Lobel' does his best to show that he has absolutely NO FUCKING CLUE what goes on outside of the dank fucking basement they apparently keep their 'development' staff in.

His first comment (the one that ends with the coy comment about 'more than just electrical enhancements and a goddamned winky face) made me so fucking mad I set up a whole other account dedicated just to flaming this motherfucker, but broke three keyboards, a monitor, and leveled three city blocks with sheer hatred while attempting to send him a message.

By the time he got to the bit about 'how can you be complaining about not getting enough improvements', I was ready to jump in my car and take a little trip to visit Mr. Lobel face to face and introduce him to the concept of bleeding from every orifice at once.

I spent a few minutes clicking around on the Autodesk forums and ran across mention of  'a whole new API for wire' (in case you were wondering 'API' stands for application programming interface - I fucking hate it when people toss around TLA's like that) - let me repeat a 'whole new API for wire'.

Because that's what everyone being forced to do electrical design in Revit has been having problems with in Revit - the 'old API' for wire.

Still no other specifics as far as I could tell - but you could tell they were already padding the list out when they put 'enhanced electrical API' (which I will be checking out for myself soon - along with any other 'features' that they deemed to put into the program).

In the meantime - anyone responsible for developing, advertising, promoting, requiring, using, or otherwise involved with Revit can go fuck themselves - and if you don't like it, then Fuck You.

And please, make sure to eat some shit on the way out - it's in Arnost Lobel's hollowed out skull in the foyer.


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Fricka Fracka Revit Cracka

I know it's hard for anyone who has read even one or two of my posts to conceive of - but I've been going far too easy on the Revitards.

I've done my best to hurl insults, threatened physical violence - like throwing them out of windows, off bridges, ritual satanic decapitation (with a dull instrument), sodomizing their corpses, sodomizing their mothers/wives/siblings corpses, and force feeding them their own feces and dismembered body parts - but after sitting and listening to yet another pointless attempt at 'coordinating' between disciplines (7-8 years after implementing this piece of shit), it has become clear to me that it's time for the gloves to come off.

See - at the end of the day, nothing I have done has had even the slightest affect on how these assholes operate.  My attempts to be positive and productive have been slapped down and thrown back in my face - destroying any incentive to be a 'team player'.  I have watched more time and mental energy exerted reinventing the wheel on every single fucking project that comes through the door - almost all of it in the form of 'workarounds' to get Revit to spit out the simplest shit (at the last second - if not two weeks after the project was due).

Analogy time kids!!!  Watching people attempt to use Revit is like watching someone who needs to move a sink 1' to the left tear down an entire house and rebuild it 1' to the right - only to find out that the sink is cracked, the valves leak, and shit randomly sprays out of the drain.  Then, rather than admit that the sink/faucet (and probably some of the plumbing) needed to have been torn out and a functional replacement installed (in the proper location), they will defend their half-ass solution to the death.

Case in point - a fucking idiot recently made me have to go back and fix a prototype (and three projects that  had already been issued), all because they changed the sheet size in Revit without bothering to tell anyone).  This project should have never gone anywhere near Revit, but some fucking asshole thought it would be a brilliant idea to take one of our money-makers and eliminate any chance of profit.

I told them to get fucked (tactfully of course), and kept my design in ACAD, and they *almost* could have thrown it in my face, except that another discipline that had choked down the Revit dick was having the EXACT SAME PROBLEM DESPITE BEING IN REVIT.  The project information updates, but there is nothing - short of closing your model, opening the linked model, and playing 'where's Waldo' to see what shit (if anything) has changed.

Do that multiple times a day, and one more time right before you try to issue the project - and maybe go back and check again after you've issued it, since they drug so much ass working in Revit that they are still working out important details days (or weeks) later, and you might be able to keep up.  In this case, it was an inexperienced Revit monkey who made the change (actually it was yet another discipline that decided to take off in their own direction, and because their drawings had already been issued, forced everyone else to follow suit - again - with ZERO communication.

The Revit Monkeys were apparently sadly unaware (despite working in a building full of architects, engineers, and designers) that changes they make might affect other people.  Now - the dream is that we all magically co-exist in the same model and eliminate this problem (as well as a number of others).  That dream has been expressed repeatedly in the aforementioned 'how do we use Revit?' meetings, and then immediately shot down (by the Revit elite) as being impractical.

Then the SAME FUCKING THING gets brought back up again the following week, as if the solution is there, and we're just not jumping on it.  Then I listen to the SAME FUCKING THING coming out of the mouths of higher-ups (none of whom use Revit on a daily basis, and most of whom cannot even conceive of what a clusterfuck Revit is) as they continue to delude themselves into thinking that it's feasible - if we would just clap loud enough.

The biggest roadblocks to the 'one Revit model' solution are the file size, and the file structure (trying to keep track of multiple discipline families, etc.).  There have been some attempts at doing a small project in one model (or at least they've been proposed), but the problem is that until that project goes out the door - you don't have the first clue how much shit is going to end up going into it.  The scope might creep out of control, and even a 'small' project might be densely packed with equipment and information.

Not to mention that small projects have small budgets - and watching people decimate said budgets to perpetuate the lie that 'eventually this will become a viable process' is sickening, frustrating, and above all - pointless.  The fact is - anyone arguing 'for' Revit has lost their fucking mind - I used to allow for other disciplines to make up their own mind as long as they returned the favor (and had their shit done in a timely manner), but I will no longer do that.

The traumatic bonding and cult mentality nurtured and fostered by the Revit community has evolved into full-fledged Stockholm syndrome.  From now on I will view all Revit users as being the equivalent of the victims of pirates who boarded their ship, took everyone prisoner, and burned the ship - only for them to find out that their own ship couldn't hold the extra weight of all of the prisoners, so they had to start tossing them to the sharks.

I think it's a fitting comparison - especially as the sharkfood continues to be convinced that it is sacrificing itself for the well-being of the pirates who kidnapped them in the first place.


Next time - it's time to start the bleeding.